November 2016 - Sparkle lost in time!

Well this entry should be about my “Sparkle” weekend in July, which I have not written about. May be its too late now to write about in’s and out’s of the whole weekend, sort of other events in my life have over taken it? 

Regardless, “Sparkle” was a good weekend although as I found out afterwards, was actually not in the position to travel there and back but by then, it was too late! Met up with the usual suspects, namely Kate, Zazoo, Joanne, Amanda and bumped into other friends who were there too, although ever so briefly, due to limited time and so many things to do. Sadly one girl was not there, namely Sue Richmond who was still struck down by her facial issues and consequently was missed but not forgotten. As per previous blog entry, I did have a theme for the weekend, which was based on a part 50’s theme with blue and red being the prominent colours of the weekend too. For those who know were my flickr site is, you will see the results there. Also took the opportunity to portray a new look too with a complete different hairstyle and colour for a few hours too which suprised a few of my friends who initially did not recognize me which i took as a compliment. Some said I looked better but I prefer the darker natural look for me but yes, I will present myself again with the revised hairstyle in due course. Well, that takes care of the “Sparkle” weekend and will look forward to next year’s event. 

Since last blog entry, manage to get out twice including meeting Vanessa from Norfolk three weeks ago on a Friday in the Village. We had been chatting to each other via Messenger and she had a reason to make the long journey to Manchester, so agreed to meet. It was her first visit to Manchester as Vanessa and seem to enjoy the whole experience, in fact there were a few unexpected surprises during the evening which made for an enjoyable night. As it happens, there were a few other girls out too, which gave the impression more out then than some Wednesdays! Anyway, Vanessa is hoping to get back up here in the near future and fingers cross, we will meet again. 

Since then sadly been struck down with a virus yet again, and been prevented in getting out once again when I even had the opportunities including tonight! But the cold weather and chest virus dont go hand in hand, likewise I doubt my friends would appreciate me coughing occasionally which is not really ladylike. Regardless, I really hoping to get out next week, in need of it and hoping to meet Sophia, who I have not seen for about 12 months which is way too long. 

Besides that manage to sell more clothes on Ebay and raising some needed funds for the bank balance which is always welcome. On this occasion, I doubt I will spend any on more clothes other one lovely red blouse which I purchase from M&S recently. It was one of those “must have” items and probably go nice with a black (leather) skirt! 

Well time for bed now, but I feel looking back on this year, even in mid November has been a wasted and frustrating year for all sorts of reasons none of which I could of foreseen sadly but at least I am still here!! However, I must keep looking forward and hopefully things get better including far more outings than I have had in the last 12 months. Until the next blog entry, take care to you all. xx

October 2016 - Catch Up, Part One.

Well, it has been 3 months since my last update on this blog and much has happened or then again not also. If you have read my last entry, then clearly you be aware, my thoughts and priorities have been elsewhere which has also had an impact on KD time too. Writing this entry could suggest things are getting back to normal (whatever normal is) which would be true thankfully but there are still some minor things to deal with but at least everything is now going in the right direction. 

With regards to the accident, well after a lot of annoyance, frustration, stress etc and anything else you care to mention, I finally got a new car about 2 weeks ago after 10 weeks without one! In that time, I have had counselling and physio to sort myself out but some things I have learnt, insurance / claims companies are a pain in the backside along with their staff with the exception one or two people. Regardless, the matter is still ongoing and will be for some time, but at least I now get back on with my life now which is the important thing. In all this time, I have learnt a lot about people including those who work in higher management at work and I have simply lost all respect and time for them. Fortunately, my immediate work colleagues have been supportive and patient with me and always grateful for that. However, the best I’ve had around has been without a doubt has been M.R. - without her support, care, patience, understanding, things would be so different and not for the better either. She is my rock but she don’t realise it though! 

So what about KD time then? Well simply, Sparkle weekend and one outing with my friend Alison at the very beginning of August. Since then, has not been possible what so ever until recently and were I had finally arranged a meet with two “new” friends so to speak and I had agreed to meet them in Manchester including collecting one on the way! That meet went pear shape at the last minute at home when I was prevented in getting ready and consequently getting out too. Cancelling that meet was horrible and felt awful to say the least especially to the girl (Mandy) who I was collecting. She fortunately went anyway but as I found out later, it was a quiet night for her especially being a Friday. As for the other girl, she was less sympathic, fair enough but her attitude towards me was disgusting to say the least especially I had been a little understanding with her circumstances 3 months previously. Basically I just advise, best we forget it altogether as clearly in my mind, she was not worth knowing and not give her anymore of my time! Yes, I admit, I let her down but I had geniune reasons in cancelling and not one of my doing or choice. What she seems to forget, I know what the feeling is like being let down, it is not nice so why should I do it on purpose to other girls, I simply don’t. Anyway, she has gone and again not worth knowing! As for Mandy, she has been more considerate and an olive branch has been hung out so hopefully, I will be to make amends at some later date. 

As for Sparkle Weekend, I will write about that in Part Two of “Catch Up”. My only meet as mentioned was with Alison on the first Monday in August where we went to the Village. As it happens it was a nice enjoyable evening, although some venues were closed, it felt busier than some Wednesday’s when Ive visited on those nights - strange really. It was nice to get out that evening as I needed it but the only reason I manage to get there, I had the use of a car for a very short time and was put on the owners insurance. Talking about being happy to get out was an understatement as I needed it especially to temporary escape from other matters. Little did I know it would be last time for over two months but hopefully this will change today, were I am hoping to meet my friend Kate in Manchester. These two months have been a killer for me, as it has been some time I have not been out for so long. In a small way, I appreciate Sue’s health predictament all the more were she has not been herself for months on end! However, I understand there is a some positive light for Sue were occasional opportunties to get out may be possible. Fingers Cross.

Well , until the next time, hello again my little blog and hopefully not too long before I write my next entry. 

July 2016 - When life flashes before you!

Initially, this blog entry was going to be about Sparkle and all that - well that was the plan but it is strange how life can change for you, literally in a matter of seconds and life is never the same again! I’m sure some of you reading this may get the gist of this almost immediately but others may not! 

Getting back to my previous blog entry, I did end up only going out the once as it turned out and that ultimately “Sparkle” was going to be next outing, only a matter of six weeks between being the person I like to be. However, something happened at the end of June which affected me personally and not one as yet recovered from - not sure I will but need to give myself time though. In simple terms, I was involved in a non fault head on car crash and ultimately my car was written off in consequence because of the sheer force of the impact. Fortunately for me, my car saved me and I manage to walk away from the scene of the accident but not without the mental trauma of what I went through at the time! Everyone has heard of the saying “life flashes before you”, well in this instance, that precisely what went through my mind in the 2/3 seconds of that impact. For obvious (or may be not so obvious) reasons, I’m not going to every detail of the accident but at that point I was frightened / scared for my life and something at times I find hard to deal with. Yes I got out alive, almost uninjured and how many people in similar situations would like to say the same, countless thousands and that is something I am grateful for. Since then, life has not really been the same again for numerous reasons, not helped by various organisations I am dealing with along with not having a car with all the inconvenience that entails too. What I cannot get my head around, I am the victim, the innocent party in all this yet it is me who seems to be treated not as a victim, anything else but and also it’s me that puts up with the inconvenience, is out of pocket and no guarantee that I will get it all back eventually either! Regardless, I am alive and at least I write this entry. 

Until the next time, make the most of your time on this planet as you never know what is around the corner!! 

June 2016 - What next

Getting into the habit now of updating this blog every two months now, as previously it has always  been once a month. That tells a story in itself and confirming in my own mind, how quiet my girly life is getting. Not much happening so not much to write about either. 

Since last entry been out twice, once last month and once this month so far although it is looking like it could be the only outing sadly. Both outings were to the Village in Manchester on a Wednesday meeting up with a couple of friends. Nice evenings were had but the Village itself is just too quiet these days and this is also happening on other Wednesday’s apparently. To be honest, Wednesday night in the Village has been going quieter over the last two years at least to the point there is not many girls out to begin with, a good night may be about 20 at most, other occasions even less and as for other people, that is taking a nose drop too. I was planning to go out last Wednesday and tonite but on both occasions, decided not too. Last Wednesday was mainly to do with the weather, too warm and sticky especially hair wise, no fun when its like that and tonite, there seem to be no one going out, so elected to stay in as if Village quiet, there would be more chance I be on my own for the evening. In those circumstances, no point in taking the effort in getting ready if no one around to appreciate it. Now thinking to forget going out on a Wednesday to the Village, try Friday instead as apparently that is a good night now?

As things stand, I am going to Sparkle next month and I think I have accommodation too at a price I’m able to afford at Weston Halls. This has come about due to another girl who decided to make a block booking on behalf of a number of girls in which Weston Halls were happy to accept. The only downside, is that I don’t know the girl who is arranging this but it seems to be legitimate as I’ve spoken to Weston Halls. Anyway, I’ve taken a chance, made a booking, paid the money and see what happens but I have been given most of the booking details already so it looks promising. I suppose I wont really know until I arrive on the Friday of Sparkle itself and see what happens. On the bright side, if it don’t go to plan, I’ve only lost £85 for three nights. So fingers cross. Unfortunately there is no alternative to this plan as hotel prices have got through the roof in Manchester assuming there is any available so my alternative is simply not attend Sparkle. So all will be revealed on Friday at Sparkle. In the meantime, I have been thinking about outfits for the weekend and I think a 50’s theme will be the order of the day. I have already purchase a 50’s style dress and a skirt, complete with petticoats too, so I look forward in wearing them along with appropriate underwear too. Not sure about the heels though, as I know I would struggle in stiletto’s so an alternative needs to be found to fit in with the theme.

Well that is all to write about for now, so probably my next blog entry will be in August sometime, so until then, bye for now. xxx 

April 2016 - Life easier in the closet?

Well my blog entries are getting more spaced out as time goes by which seems to sum my KD life I suppose. Contact with friends and so called friends are getting more spaced out than ever and therefore limiting my outings now to a bare minimum! However, it some girl’s eye’s they probably think well at least you getting out sometime, which is fair enough but sadly that is not the be all and end all of being person you like to be. 

Since my last entry I have been out a couple of times, with the last outing only last week to the Trafford Centre to meet a friend, for coffee, shopping, meal and a chat which was most enjoyable and even purchase a new skirt from M&S, not before I tried a couple of sizes in the changing rooms which seem to be a wise thing. Had I not done, I would of taken the wrong size home with me! The whole evening was enjoyable were I probably done too much chatting and my new hair style passed its test on only its second outing! Next time, if there is a next time, must try harder in staying quiet! :-))))

Although that was a good outing albeit a rare “good” outing, overall my position has not changed with getting out and about sadly. Although I try to make contact with others, there seems to be very little response sadly and therefore left in limbo at best! Ironically, I love being KD, enjoy everything about her but its seems now I am mostly in my own little world and that is no fun what so ever. I seriously think, that may be I would better off back in the closet, no one knowing and just enjoy “my” moments at home - life probably would be so much simpler I reckon! At least I would not to think about having friends as they would not exist anyway! So any closet girls thinking of coming out, think about it first as the TGirl world and all that entails is not that rosy and may be better off staying were you are! 

I suppose that going back into the closet will not happen as I am already “out” so to speak, so I cannot exactly go back in, can I? As I keep telling myself, think positive and things will change, but this has been going on for quite some time now and how long I will be able to keep doing this without ultimately affecting me? My overall conclusion / opinion of myself as KD is now at an all time low as I now think, I am at fault for everything that happens or does not happen! 

Ironically, my life outside KD is fine, have a fantastic wife in M.R. along with my children who are no trouble. I have a couple of good “outside” pastimes and enjoy participating in them too.  I enjoy where I work especially in the company of some of the girls I work with as I even get unsolicited hugs off them which is nice, makes me feel wanted. We seem to be a great team. What makes this more remarkable, all the girls are very much younger than I but they respect - may be look up to me but it is a nice feeling, something I don’t get in KD’s world! Last week, it was my 60th birthday - oh yes I get a free bus pass and medical prescriptions now (yay!) but some of the work girls as well as giving me birthday cards, I also got some “make-up” as pressies which was very much appreciated. How nice is that in my eyes, really a nice feeling ain’t it? Hopefully one day, I will be able to make use of the make-up but currently that don’t seem going to happen. 

Outings for the future, well there is none planned sadly although and currently in contact with one local girl which may produce a friendship that I am seeking. However, that is work in progress and see how it develops but still need to meet first! Ah yes, back to that again, will it happen! Outside this everything is just quiet although I am still hoping to get to Sparkle but the accommodation issue still remains with any rooms left now way over £200 per two nights! The only way I can afford that is sharing with someone but there is no takers there, although I am trying. As there is still 3 months to go, time is on my side at the moment so there is a chance something will change. Mind you even it does, who is going to meet me at Sparkle anyway? There you see, the negative mindset is there already but I cannot help it - sorry! But at least I can be “KD”! 

In my last entry and last paragraph, I had mentioned about my good friend Sue and how things were being a bit more positive, which was good. However, no sooner had I written that, I found out that Sue had taken a knock again with her skin condition and was not quite back to square one but not far, something that she did not need sadly. If there was ever a girl who deserved a break, some good fortune, she is the person who deserves it - so who ever is looking on her, please give her this break, not much to ask for is it? However, I understand there has been some slight improvement since then but currently waiting for the latest update. Fingers and all cross! 

February 2016 - First entry of the year surprisingly!

Well been over two months since my last entry and my first one for this year too. So may be I should wish everyone a belated Happy New Year and things are working out as expected? 

Looking back over the last two months, there has not been much going on to be honest. Christmas and New year periods, always quiet for me therefore this was no exception as no outings and work taking up any slack anyway. Well working in retail, it should be no surprise. Likewise, with the weather has generally been, wet, mild and miserable, it don’t exactly inspire you to get out either. However, I’ve manage to get out on 3 occasions, with two visits to Manchester and one to Chester too. The latter, I met my sister first for a nice meal, and a catch up chat on all things, family, work and the world! I had plans for a couple of outings over the last two weeks but they were cancelled due to me getting a virus while I was on a week’s holiday from work, which is just typical I suppose and also cause me to be off for a few more days when I was suppose to return to work. Although, I’m still not 100%, I’m now forcing myself to go back to work on the basis I may recover quicker - mmmm reverse mental thinking perhaps? Part of this thinking, is I wish to get out in the next week and hoping this will do the trick, getting back to normal. 

I did have plans to visit Wigs R Us in Southport as I am in need of a replacement wig for my old faithful but favourite wig as it is now well past it’s sell by date and far beyond of being rescued, restyled and recut for further use. However this appointment was cancelled, as the original intention that M.R. would come with her special friend for afternoon visit to Southport. But unknown to me, probably I made an assumption, that I thought M.R. was aware of this and happy to come too. I must admit, it did come as a surprise to me that M.R. did not want to go with her special friend but thought I would still be going anyway and have afternoon together. Fair enough but it did defeat the object of the exercise, so I decided to cancel and re-arrange on my own for end of February instead. I must admit, I was a little confused as M.R. had stated that she is not always part of KD’s life but in this instance, I was attempting to include M.R. as thinking it would be a nice afternoon but how wrong I was sadly. Must need to try harder but I’m not sure how in the circumstances which I find is a shame. May be it is me who cannot accept that M.R. (understandably) does not want to be part of it and just wants the other “me”? 

Looking at the rest of the year, still no firm plans for Sparkle weekend as currently hotel prices are very silly indeed and my usual location to stay is not taking bookings due to change of management. Unlike a lot of girls, I don’t have a bottomless pit for money and must remain within a budget for that weekend including meals, drinks etc. So to have my budget taken up by the cost of a hotel room, just makes the rest of the weekend a none event as I don’t have any money! Some have suggested, try sharing, yes that is easy said than done in practice but, first who with and is it at reasonable cost too? Likewise, with my experience’s of Leeds First Friday were people have let me down, I am very reluctant for me to make the booking either. The alternative is I suppose is a day visit (Saturday) but that is not the same and also presents another set of problems to overcome which I could do without. So I am in a Catch 22 situation but hopefully something will change in the next few months and I am able to go for the weekend?

Likewise, still no plans for visiting Leeds First Friday either unless some one offers to share and make the booking but realistically, that not going to happen. My main problem that many of my friends are still liable for one off meets per year due to distance involved or they continue to drift in and out of the scene so to speak because of their personal circumstances. In consequence, they think I am always going to be there which is true to a certain extent but in reality it’s no good to me, because it don’t help me at a personal level. This continues to be an internal battle in my head but I wish some of my friends just have a little more consideration for other people when they drift in and out of the scene. 

On the wardrobe front, I have now a good choice of dresses which has taken a while to overcome. One way or another as some women who are fully aware, your top and bottom sizes are not always the same and therefore a same size dress does not always fit you as intended, more often than not, bigger at the waist then at the breast size. I have suffered that particular problem but by trial and error, finally got a good selection of dresses that I’m able to wear comfortably. Only taken me over 10 years to get there! 

Also please to hear that my friend Sue (London) seems to be finally getting somewhere with her facial skin problems and things now seem to be more optimistic than they were use to be. Finally it seems there is some good light at the end of the tunnel, may be not too long before “normal” services resumes and Sue is out and about again soon. Fingers cross for you. 

So on that happy note, I now finish this entry for the time being.