February 2013 - Not a bad start!

First, a belated happy new year to those you read this blog and hopefully it has been a good start for you. It is now 6 weeks into the year and it has been a reasonable start with getting out on three occasions and meeting new friends too - more of this a little later.

Life is ok at the moment and M.R. continues to support and accept me, although there is still the odd minor issue to deal with which we attempt to solve it one way or another. Being New Year and January, more clothes purchases were made but I have also had a mini clear out of existing clothes but not as many as I hoped that could go - need to look again I think as I just don’t have any room for more clothes. Thinking about the rest of the forthcoming year, my thoughts are about places and meeting friends further afield which I am attempting to do something about and currently working on some thoughts. Certainly I’m hoping that M.R. will come out with me on the odd occasion, as it is nice for her to share this part of me! One thing that is on the radar, is to see  a nice girl (friend) Sue in London for a couple of days but just got to find the right time to go as family and work matters need to be resolve to open up this window of opportunity. Other events that come under the radar for this year, include Leeds First Friday, Sparkle in July and hopefully Erotica (London) in October but have a little time to plan them. 

Getting back to outings this year so far have involved meeting new girls in order to build a new friend base for the future as clearly most of the girls that I deemed to call friends have drifted away for what ever reason - some of which are not clear to me! My first outing of the year was to a new girl’s house (Tami) for an evening get together with a couple more local girls who I met for the first time, namely Paula and Sophia. Strange really this was the first time I had actually done this but an enjoyable evening was had with plenty of girly chat and laughter along with a lovely meal provided by Tami - not a bad cook either! Hopefully during the year we will meet again, and may be an outing can be planned too. Second outing was with another new friend, this being Carol from Preston who I struck up a conversation in a chat room and within a couple of days met in Manchester and enjoyable evening was had again with friendship seeds sown for the future too. Last Saturday, I finally manage to meet Nikki again as it had been about 6 months since we last met, in that time, also manage to struck up a friendship with her lovely partner too (M), which hopefully I will meet one day. Met Nikki in the Village, and a good night was had with the added bonus meeting a few familiar faces including by chance Christine, Paula, Jane, Carol, Kate and her partner Shirley - certainly added variety to the evening along with playing catch up with Nikki. Can’t wait to get out again but may be next week at the earliest at this week is booked up with work and personal matters. 

Things at work are now routine and given my thoughts 12 months ago, i was not expecting to be there still but I am. However, in that time, all the girls / women I work with get on with me and vice versa, but that is down for being “myself” without the baggage so to speak. Everyone there has notice the difference in me and I must admit I’m happy too although I just wish I could get a little more free time than I do now! Keep working on the latter though. 

Finally, a friend I’ve known for at least 7 years, Julia has now fulfilled her long held wish and has now become the woman she always wanted to be. Julia had been full time for the last couple of years and we have kept in regular contact but finally made the appointment and arrangements to see Dr Chettawut in Bangkok last month. She is now back at home, recovering but in the good company of her boyfriend George who has supported her too. Hopefully, she will remain in contact with me and will see her again too but one never knows what will happen but from personal past experience, I have always lost contact with friends who gone down that route because they have sought (with some understanding) of a new life and breakaway from the old world so to speak. I live in hope, this wont be the case with Julia, so fingers cross. Regardless, I am pleased for her. 

Well that is enough for now and time for bed. See you again my little blog! 

December 12 - Lets look forward!

Well it is almost the end of the year and its time to look back on the past year but more importantly look forward to 2013. But first, anything recent with Christmas being around?  

December has always been a quiet month for me for getting out, mainly because of work and family matters, just never easy to find “me” time. However, manage to get out twice with what I call quick visits to the Village to meet a couple of friends but that was it. Strange I had other opportunities to get out but no one seemed to be available. Ah well that is how the cookie crumbles sometimes. My next outing certainly wont be until next year that is for sure. Manage to purchase some clothes recently including a dress, 3 skirts and couple of tops, the latter for the summer as and when it arrives next year. 

Looking back over the year, it has been not as I hoped for in some ways especially in getting out on a regular basis. In fact my outings this year have been fewer than previous years yet I present myself better and confident too. Hopefully, I can change this for next year but this does hinge on meeting more people and making new friends - well that is my goal anyway. Highlights of the year have certainly been my trip to Birmingham and the couple of days at Sparkle - the latter is a surprise bearing in mind I prefer not to be there! May be that tells a story of 2012? At a personal level, I’ve been happier within myself this year but that has been down to M.R. and my work colleagues keep me going when K.D. physically can’t be around. The surprise of the year was my daughter knowing I was a TGirl but unfortunately only chatted about “me” once and never been mentioned again. I find this sad as clearly my daughter don’t wish to know or be interested which is not the way I hoped for but at the same time, not the way I bought up my kids either as I’ve always stated that it is the person that matters and not what they look like. Ah well, at least it is not total rejection but it still seems, it is still a secret!  

As for next year, well as stated, my main priority to get out as often as I can with old and new friends. May be this will include less visits to the Village and more elsewhere, I certainly hope so. I am aware, I have opportunity to get further afield and meet other girls I know via the forums, a couple of met previously but be nice to see them on their home ground so to speak. I certainly know that I am more content and comfortable in female company as they seem to treat me with respect and except me for who I am rather what I look like - that is nice. 

Well, this just leaves me to say Happy New Year and best wishes to all who read this blog, hopefully your wishes come true for next year also. Please take care and see you next year my little blog. xx

November 12 - Looking towards the future.

Just an average month in the life of K.D. , well that what it seems to be. Since my last entry, I’ve manage have more thoughts about the future which made me realise that although I never thought it was relevant, but I’ve spend 95% of my working life in the company of women and this even applies in my existing employment. So what does that tell me - simply I get on ok with women and feel at home in the company of them. I must stress, never in a sexual way, just pure friendship. Now in the light of my previous blog entry, I think the penny has finally dropped, it is better to be out and about with them too as “me”, again in pure friendship terms. There are advantages in this, especially being in the company of genetic girls is I become one of them too for all intent and purposes as “joe public” would be none the wiser. Personally, I have no issues about passing / blending in anyway as I dress appropriately and hopefully genetic girls would not have issues either? I suppose only one way of finding out but ....... a problem to be solved as yet but at least a direction in having genuine friends maybe?  

Over the last few months, all the girls I know in a particular place, have got to find out about me and accordingly have seen images of me too. Seven of them so far, have even seen me live and in simple terms, they have been impressed with what they have seen, seeking more information and also importantly destroyed the media / public perception of a TV too. The reaction has been better than expected including “wow”, “omg” “look good” and I “pass” too. Well put it this way, some never even realise it was “me” which I suppose says a lot. I know some of them would like me to go out with them but as yet I’m not sure if that is a genuine request or just a bit of fun for them? May be a step too far in this instance especially being local too as family considerations must come into this also. 

Manage to keep in contact with some cyber girlfriends and in a couple of instances, even a meeting has taken place is which another step forward. However, as with all TGirl friends, there is always baggage / personal circumstances that prevents a proper friendship from forming sadly. Alas the nature of being a TGirl but at least with the two girls, we know we are real now rather than a faceless name on the internet. Contact with a couple of close friends seems to be sparse at the moment due to their changing circumstances but we will meet up again when things improve at their end. You never give up on your genuine friends. 

On the home front, one thing that has become very evident, that M.R. has finally accepted who I am and also accepts my needs of being “me” too. It has taken a long time for this to happen but it does make life easier for both of us now - sort of we can move forward and get on with “our” lives  in its entirety rather than keep discussing K.D. matters. Another reason for looking towards the future too. 

Outings have still been sparse, in fact since my last entry, been out twice but that has been in the last two weeks. The first occasion, met up with my sister at Cheshire Oaks, had a bite to eat then went to the Unique meeting in Llandudno to meet up with one of the cyber friends, namely Angela who is a good looking and very presentable girl - mmmm she has lovely complexion but as yet not ventured into the big wide world. There were other girls at the meeting and I was made very welcome too - may be I will go again but make a day of it with some sightseeing in the area. The second outing was unusually, a Saturday (24th November) and also to Manchester. Not often I get out on a Saturday as there are reasons for this but not an issue never the less. On this occasion, met up with another cyber friend, Kathy at her home and she was a lovely person too. Sadly she had not been out for quite a while due to personal reasons but hopefully this may change in the future and we get the chance to do it together? After that, headed to the monthly Transforum meeting in the Village which was enjoyable along with very guest speakers too covering a few relevant but interesting topics. Again I met up with another TS girl (Bev) who I had been in communication recently and found her interesting and a straight but a lovely lady. Afterwards a few of us went for a bite to eat and an enjoyable time was had. It is hoped I can meet Bev again in the future. After the meal I got change into another outfit and met up with a local girl I know, Paula, who I had not seen for a while but had invited me along and to meet her other friends too. We visited some of the delightful bars in the Village before I headed home at 2.00am. All in all, a varied interesting but enjoyable day was had. 

Manage to sell more clothes on Ebay again, raising some extra cash for the piggy bank but not really making any in roads into my large wardrobe - a further clear out is required but still purchase a dress in the meantime at the recent M&S sale. Crazy but it was bargain and must have!

Well, my little blog, time for bed but at least the future is a little brighter and hopefully a couple more outings before xmas too?   

October 12 - More thoughts!

Recently, I met Tina for a Tuesday evening out in the Village which was enjoyable but strange too. As it was a Tuesday, not expecting to see any other girls out but one Yorkshire lass appeared and un-expectantly join us for tea & scones in the Richmond Tea Rooms. Yes no fun being on your own but this was the first time I met Tina in seven weeks and we were attempting to play catch up on the gossip and news. The girl was friendly and talkative with some interesting stories exchanged. Afterwards we went to Velvet for a bite to eat but that was short lived as no sooner we had got our drinks and about to order our food, we were too much for the restaurant to take! There was a power black out and were advised that no drinks / food would be possible! So off we went next door to Taurus for our bite to eat and play catch up! It was during this catch up which ultimately has led to my next thoughts. It is all about what we T-Girls are looking for being “us” and what we are seeking and enjoying being “us”. 

My enjoyment in being "me", is meeting like minded girls like Tina but also getting out and about too (in good company) - which is a big part of me and as much as I enjoy going to "tranny" only places, it is not what I want all the time as I enjoy the outside world for want of a better description. But is the reality wanting to go anywhere as “me” is seeking the impossible and / or my expectations are so high, that no other TGirl can ever meet them for numerous reasons. These reasons vary as one thing for certain, no two T-Girl circumstances are the same, nor what they are seeking is always the same which makes it harder for me. I certainly know, that I have not spent the last few years, spending loads of money on clothes, make-up etc, attempting to look the part of a woman (but still need improvements) just to go to "tranny" only places. Christ I may of saved a fortune and various discussion's with M.R. by just keeping it simple for that purpose, just slap any make-up on face, cheap wig, slutty type clothes and still blend in a tranny only venue! But that is not me and would not be happy with that either.  

With saying the above, this is no reflection on other T-Girls but may be the conversation I had with Tina, has unwittingly re-focus my thoughts on what I'm seeking and what is actually possible given my personal circumstances. It is easier for me due to my work day offs to get out during the day, certainly less bother and not worrying about the 3pm deadline I have when I'm getting ready. There are family reasons for this deadline which is a complete pain for me and means often hanging around / killing time in some way to meet friends for the evening only which is no fun when you are on your own - there is only a certain amount of window shopping you can do! :-))  This is no fault of anyone as it is just my personal circumstances. But this creates other problems including on many a occasion, not getting out what so ever because for an example, the timing of which can be awkward due to my getting ready routine and family circumstances crossing paths at the wrong time which is extremely frustrating to say the least. Yes, I have been off two days this week, had a chance to be "me" but besides no friend to meet ....... nothing and a waste! 

It is clear to me now that seeking new friends is always going to be difficult and won't happen overnight - in fact, if ever! So far this year, it has been hard work to find like minded girls - too many time wasters around and along with those looking for fun / sex only which I have no interest in!! Any girls I do come across, seem to make it hard work to communicate, never been out or personal circumstances are interfering. When I do find a like minded girl, always seem to be in the far flung places of the UK making meetings almost impossible!! My "me" needs are never going to co-incide with other T-Girls circumstances which makes me think I wish I could just switch off being "me" for ever - save less hassle, time and more problems but sadly I know that won't happen - it can't because KD is "me" and happy when I am "me". So what next - no idea but if you are reading this, you are local and like to do similar things, please get in touch but won’t hold my breath though! 

Does all that make sense, may be, may be not but just thinking out aloud and see if there will be answers forthcoming in the future?    

July / August 12 - Sparkle & life.

Hello blog, it has been a while and yes I actually attended “Sparkle” on the Friday and Saturday, 13th & 14th July for the first time in four years! The question is, did I enjoy it? Yes I actually did but that is thanks to my friends who I met. Met up with Tina for the Friday evening at Eden for the burlesque evening and I dressed accordingly. For the outfit I wore, see image below  and I must admit I felt good about myself too. The outfit all came together as I thought and topped off for a change with nice false eyelashes and appropriate eye make up too. The evening was enjoyable as the entertainment was good, food and chat with a small group of friends too. Later in the evening literally bumped into Lisa from Leeds in the Molly House much to our surprise and more chat and drink was had. Eventually I got back to my hotel room a wee bit tired. 

The following morning, got ready into a casual outfit and met up with Tina again - wondered around the Village, a few (soft) drinks and generally met some old faces from the past including Stephanie another old friend of many years who was on an afternoon visit. Later on, went back to Tina’s hotel room and got change into another outfit which I felt good about again then off we went to Villagio’s for a group meal with other girls. Later on we headed across the road to Eden for more girly chat and laughter and eventually headed home at about 1.00am on Sunday morning, happy but sad at the same time. 

Looking back at those two days, I actually did enjoy myself at Sparkle much to my surprise. Yes there were some sights to say the least, some girls don’t look in the mirror or just don’t care but to balance it there were some nice outfits too with some girls really made the effort and looked the part too. The question is, will I go back next year? Mmmm decide that nearer the time I think! 

Since my last entry, I suppose the question, have things improved in general? Actually no, but at least they are not got worst, so that is a step forward I suppose. Since the job interview, I have not applied for a single vacancy mainly because there are none! Well when I mean none, none that I am qualified for for starters or the vacancies are for 4/8hr part-time or just temporary short term contracts. None of which is what I’m seeking but just proves the job situation is shit contrary to what government sources are suggesting or wish to paint a picture - they have no idea. So basically, I’m stuck and cant do anything about it - sadly just got to get on with it and keep fingers cross. However, the last job knock back is still affecting me, even worst by the fact I have ask for feedback, twice over and they have ignored it and this is from an employer who say they give it! So much for their excellent customer service they seem to strive on! 

Things with M.R. are much better than they were which is a good step forward too - the spark is coming back so it has been hard though by the fact we still get limited time together because of our work rota’s but at least its moving forward. Thankfully, we are off for a couple of weeks soon so much needed “us” time will be forthcoming but alas no holiday due to no money. May be we will manage a couple of days out somewhere?

Outings since my last entry have been few with the exception of Sparkle but I’ve coped with that in the best way I can - keeping my mind occupied with other things but “me” is never too far away never the less. If I could dress more often or at least have outings back to the level of a year ago then things in my mind would be much better. My last outings have been in Manchester and just for the evening only but they have been enjoyable. But as always sad to revert at the end of the evening. Hopefully, outing’s in the future will pick up again but that will be subject to money, yet again. 

One thing that has happened but only recently, I’ve finally shaved my arms much to M.R’s unhappiness but this was something i been wanted to do for a while. M.R. cant understand why which is fair enough but this is about being the person I am and I’m not just referring to “me” either. On this occasion, this was not discussed with M.R. beforehand which was not ideal I suppose but once it was done, it was done. Since I shaved, mentally I have become more at eased with myself although not had the opportunity to be “me”. It seems if a weigh has come off my shoulders - mmm strange really to feel like this but it is true never the less. In the light of this situation, I can actually first of all, now wear some tops I’ve got and never worn because of my arms - although they are long sleeve, need not to worry about them moving up my arm. Secondly, I’m able to have a sort out of tops now and put some on Ebay - hopefully with the proceeds purchase some new shorter sleeve tops?

Finally, my thoughts go out to my good friend Tina, who recently had the sad bereavement of her mum, something that I know how that feels. It has not been easy for Tina that I know but at least she now knows her mum is at peace and sense of relief too that is she not suffering anymore. Hopefully some time in the future, we will meet again as it has been a while since we seen each other and when that happens, I suspect there will be much chatting between us.