July 2013 - Experience, Transphobia and a filling!

Well it is that time of year when Sparkle has been and gone but it was a mix time this year and I’m sure more of this will come later.

Looking back at my last paragraph of my last entry, I have had further thoughts about Tina and I believe that she will be back in time - not sure why I say that I remain optimistic never the less and look forward in seeing her again. Life at home and with M.R. is about as normal as it can be which great really and as mentioned previously, there is no pressure about as and when KD makes an appearance. It is a nice feeling to have! 

Since my last entry, things generally have been quiet and weather has been warm/hot and sunny, which sometimes does not do Tgirls any favours when it comes to head gear!! However, manage to get out at beginning of month and met up with Kate for a quiet evening out in the Village, which turned out to be that too - quiet but enjoyable. Must do it again Kate. Met Kristina who was what was on her regular Wed night out and looking good too. Like all of us, we improve as we get more experience and more knowledge, ultimately looking totally different to when we first stepped out into the big world. Then you think back, why did you dress the way you did, but you got to start somewhere remembering that real girls always have the advantage of being who they are from very early stage in their lives and create their own look as time passes by. Sometimes we got to do that in a matter of a very short period of time, so may be we should not be so hard on ourselves when we dress, apply make-up etc. 

I have been reading Dianne’s blog recently and noted she (and her friend) had an unfortunate experience during a night out in Liverpool City Centre. Both of them had always visited on regular occasions a particular Tgirl friendly bar and never had any bother until this particular night, when without warning they were ask to leave for no apparent reason by the bouncer. Although they ask why, no reason was given and one can only assume that someone at the bar did not like their presence. As you imagine, this was embarrassing and unjustified as well as what may be transphobic behaviour! I do feel for Dianne as this is hers and my home city and generally speaking we (scousers) are a good natured / humourous people and do accept all sorts but on this occasion, I am unable to defend these actions what so ever. May be the bottom line that Liverpool City night life is just not ready for us Tgirls but is it time the binge crowd arrived in the 21st century and stopped being bloody stupid, as after all we are all human beings and wish to be treated as such! 

As mentioned earlier, Sparkle has been and gone and overall it was an enjoyable experience especially catching up old and new friends. May be that is the real reason for the event rather than a celebration of all things transgender? I had stayed over two nights being the Friday and the Saturday but prior to that, I had to think what I was going to wear which turned out to be easier than I thought. I had decided that dresses were order of the day, as it is very rare I wear them for one reason or another and also the opportunity had presented in work were two dresses caught my eye which were duly purchased for the occasion. The rest of my clothes were new items purchased during the course of the year. So right, it was now a case of waiting for the day to pack and off I go! Well not so my teeth said! Sunday before Sparkle and it had to be that week, a filling on my front upper tooth decided to crack which meant a visit to the dentist asap as it does dent one’s confidence in the smiling stakes. My next problem was to get an appointment and manage to get a cancellation with net result, filling done and normality returned - so I thought! Well I will leave it there in relation to this blog entry and write a separate entry about my joys, trials and tribulations of my Sparkle weekend. :-)) 

May / June 2013 - Friends!

Hello my little blog, yes I’m still here but last entry which was many weeks ago, not much has really happened or has there? 

First I must mention yet again my partner M.R. who has accepted me for who I am which in a strange sort of way, has taken the pressure off me in being “me”! Basically, because there is no discussions as such between us as it is part of our lives now, there is no need to be “me” as I can now dress as and when I want. However, I now don’t feel the need to do so as I can do it anytime within reason and without setting an agenda. Not sure if anyone is reading this understands what I’m getting at but hopefully you may do? 

During these last few weeks, I have chatted to and e/mail some friends just getting upto date news and gossip along trying to arrange outings. The latter now a days not easy what so ever as we all have  our own personal circumstances and getting our free time to co-incide is on occasions mission impossible. However, that is no one’s fault just a fact of life. With these circumstances, I’ve only manage to get out twice, first beginning of May and also last week with both being manchester as the venue. The May outing, met up with Sophia, Carol and Tami, who was on her first ever public outing and she done well. A good evening was had with plenty of chat, drink and some food. Last week’s outing was really just a short one as it turned out. Took the opportunity to view the Blackpool and Fylde College annual degree photographic show at the Cube Gallery (http://www.cube.org.uk/page/currentexhibition) were Sianne was displaying her work involved in her TG photo project. Certainly a wide range of images provided by the students, some interesting, others a left you little puzzled. some thoughtful and small handful sort of shocked especially in a public gallery. While there, met a full time girl, Michelle from Warrington and we had a good conversation and a drink before we both headed home. All being well, will meet Michelle again in the future. At the moment, not sure of future outings as nothing planned but it may be Sparkle could be my next outing and I look forward to the event - at least a chance to wear some of my summer clothes!  

Talking of friends previously, two of my closest friends Tina and Sue have been going their own personal problems but totally different from each other. In respect of Sue, all I will say, she is going through a personal difficult time and with that a slight change of priorities for her. In due course I’m sure she will be back to normal and looking forward in seeing her at Sparkle. In the meantime, I’m thinking of you and you know where I am, if you need anything. My other friend, Tina has also been going through a difficult time over the last 12 months or so and in consequence, her priorities have completely change altogether with the result that Tina has firmly taken a backseat for the foreseeable future. Alas, will Tina ever make an appearance again? Unfortunately, our friendship was based on our femme personalities and consequently not sure if we had other things in common. With Tina’s decision, strange it may seem, I’ve lost a very good friend for outings etc were in the past we had many a good time in the everyday world. This has hit me hard in some ways and certainly one of the reasons for less outings. I have left the door open for Tina to get back in touch and hopefully our friendship can continue but sadly I don’t think this will be the case. However, I wished to be proved wrong but regardless I send my sincere good wishes to Tina for the future - she deserves it. 

Well, that is all for this entry as as I’ve said, not much has happened. 

April 2013 - Who is Selfish?

Well since our weekend away, things have been generally quiet with only two outing’s since then, although they were enjoyable day’s and a strange but sad text to M.R. from my daughter! 

Just over a year ago, I found out my daughter knew about me and although we have had one discussion between us, she seem to be ok with it, although clearly she preferred to be kept quiet and leave it at that. I had no problems with that but this all changed some weeks ago when my daughter text M.R. saying various things about me being KD! At that time, it affected me and consequently for a short period I had not been in the mood to go out. What made matters worst, it was ok for daughter to sent the text but no right to reply either! I can't say too much as this is a public blog but the contents just upset me (& Glynis) to be honest and clearly daughter thinks I'm selfish for being who I am. I suppose the bottom line, it has left me with an empty feeling along with thinking who is the selfish one and also never brought my (our) daughter to be so blinked in her views! Does not my (our) happiness and what we want now and the future matter in the circumstances?  After bringing our kids up for the last 30 years including feed them, roof over their heads, never wanted for anything, if fact we gave our lives for them but that don’t matter - mmmm who is the selfish one in the circumstances? We never brought our daughter up to be like this and that makes me sad!

Anyway, the two outings I’ve had, have been enjoyable for different reasons. The first was the last Wednesday in March and met up with Kate for a meal and a chat. It had been a quite a while since we had done this, so it was a case of playing catch up. This we did eventually (loud music aside) as well as meeting one of Kate’s friends from the Stockport area whose name I’ve forgotten (sorry). Much to my surprise, I bumped into Jane (Maybe) and later on in the evening we managed to play catch up also as it had been a long time since we really chatted. Previously, we had been ships passing in the night with the odd hiya. Jane was looking very well indeed and now the girl she always wanted to be but she was now seeking a partner for the future which is understandable. Jane, if you are reading this, you will find one when you least expect it and there is someone out there for you, that I’m sure. You deserved it but be patient hey. 

The second outing was a little special I suppose, as it was a day and night affair! Previously I had met up with Sianne, a RG from Blackpool who is doing a Uni project on TG people but we had agreed to meet again for more photo’s and a good natter. This time we met in one of Liverpool’s bigger parks, namely Sefton Park. This park I knew very well from my younger days and it was a strange for me walking around as "me" but was never the less enjoyable being a nice sunny afternoon. On this occasion, I choose a different outfit from the last meeting but also conscious that it needed to be dual purpose as I was meeting two girls in the Village later on. Yet another occasion were no one batted an eyelid with plenty of people and kids about. Sianne took quite a few images and certainly even I must agree, she got a couple of really good ones and hopefully one day will post a couple on my flickr site, but for the time being Sianne needs to display them first as part of her Uni project. Hopefully, it she gets the results she wants in the few weeks when the project is handed in. It is planned for the project to be put on display in June and including Sparkle in July. 

After saying goodbye to Sianne at teatime, I headed to my work place to kill some time but also to change my skirt and redo my make up. My Manager seem happy to let me do this but as it was her first time seeing me, she seem to be impressed with initial reaction being of a “wow” factor. Also another two colleague’s met me for the first time and there reaction was just as good including your make up is good! Clearly I’m doing something right! :-)) After a quick change and a cup of tea, I departed collecting Sophia on my way and met up with Sarah from Macclesfield in Manchester City Centre - both girls only on there second outside outing with me being their guide. Of course, we headed to the Village although it was Thursday evening and visited Richmond Tea Rooms (for dessert first), then Velvet were a nice meal and excellent service was had. Later on we visited Via, Molly House and Naps, with the latter as expected being quiet! Both girls seem to enjoy themselves, both looked the part too but sadly the evening ended all too quick as the bed and home time beckoned. Certainly it is hoped we can get together again but because of circumstances, it wont be easy. For me personally, it had been a varied but interesting 12 hour day meeting many people in different environments something that I would like to happen more often. 

Well that is it for this entry although not been out for three weeks now - is there anyone there? :-)) All being well, hopefully get out next week, anyone interested? 

March 2013 - Two Special Amazing Ladies.

This long entry is all about a special weekend with two amazing ladies in our capital city! As mentioned in previous entry, Sue Richmond had previously invited me down to London for a few days but this invite was received when we met at Sparkle last year. At long last, we manage to agree on a date which was Friday, 8th to Sun 10th March and Sue kindly offered accommodation too but also had ask if my good lady M.R. would like to come too! This was a lovely offer but I must admit I was not sure if M.R. would wish to come especially been with me for at least 60 hours as her special friend and more importantly out in the everyday world too rather than the normal confines of the Village in Manchester. The only way I was going to find out was ask and give her the choice. Much to my surprise but of great pleasure, M.R. agreed to come but I had put emphasis that Sue particularly ask if she wanted to come as it would be nice to meet her too. Anyway we confirmed with Sue that both of us would be coming and now looking forward to the visit. I must admit I was a little apprehensive how M.R. would be with me over the whole weekend, as it was a big thing for her to actually be with her soulmate in public but in different clothing attire! As things transpired, not sure why I was even worried about it as M.R. took things in her stride! 

Anyway, Friday morning arrived, outfits already chosen and time for both of us to get ready with clothes / suitcase already packed previously in the car. I had decided to keep clothes simple with knee length skirt, top, and flatties as easier to drive for a long period. Midday arrived and we were on our way, letting Sue know accordingly. We headed down the M6, stopping off first at the M6 Toll road service station for a bite to eat and a drink with this being our first test together in public at this busy service station which was full of students heading home I assume. To be honest it was a non event, as everybody just thought we were just two women minding their own business which was in fact what we were doing. Being a non event was ideal and I’m sure gave M.R. that little extra assurance that things were going to be ok! We set off again traveling on the M6 / M40 stopping off at the Banbury service station for a short break, then we proceeded on to Sue’s via the road to hell or the big circular car park (M25) and M3 arriving at approx 6.30pm. Sue gave us a big warm welcome especially to M.R. and it was really nice to finally see her. We had decided in advance that we would stay in Friday evening, being a little tired and conserving our energy for the following day. While I unpacked the car, Sue and M.R. got to know each other a little better and by the time I entered the fray, it was clear to me that both of them were getting on like a house on fire - that was nice and made me relaxed straight away. Then again, it is no surprise really, as Sue is a lovely warm person and I knew she would make M.R. at ease. The rest of the night was just a girly night with Sue being the perfect host, laying on wine, excellent home cooked food and generally chilling out with catching up on news n stuff. Before we knew, it was bedtime and getting some sleep for tomorrow’s day out to West End, Covent Garden etc. 

The following morning (Sat), after all getting ready (flat boots being the order of the day) and having breakfast, we all headed to the local station to get the train to Waterloo which was a first for me, as never travelled on a train as KD before, but yet another non event. By this time, it was clear that M.R. was in relaxed mood and taking things in her stride. Having arrived at a busy Waterloo Station, we then headed for the underground to Leicester Square, yet another first for me but this time it is full in your face public interaction, with no escape - not sure why I was bothered to be honest, as it felt natural. Sue had previously arranged an loose itinerary of things to do and see on our visit to the West End but it became very clear early on, she knew everywhere and kept us entertained throughout the day. Having arrived in the West End, we all went to Caffe Vergnano in Charing Cross Road for coffee and highly recommended too. We proceeded to meet Joanne, the barmaid at the Cambridge P.H. and one of Sue’s friends too. Joanne made us welcome but became clear to me, she was quite a character to say the least but a lovely person too. I suppose the best way I can put it, she is crackers! :-)) Shortly afterwards, we made our way to “Melanie” a fine Italian Restaurant, Old Compton St for a pre-arranged lunch with another friend of Sue’s, namely Petra, a charming lovely TS from Sussex. For the next 90 mins or so, we were served excelllent food and plenty of girly chat covering a multitude of subjects, then it was time to part our ways sadly. Hopefully, I will meet Joanne and Petra again, it would be nice. 

For the rest of the afternoon, we visited numerous places including Seven Dials, Covent Garden which is always full of activity, with some very good street entertainers including some shopping too. Other places included Shorts Gardens, Neals Yard and numerous side streets with some unusual but interesting shops - it you want it, its there! In fact, without Sue, we would have no idea where we were and never come across these fascinating locations. We eventually arrived at a quaint but lovely cafe La Roche on St Martins Lane were tea and scones was the order of the day and more importantly to recharge our feet! After that we headed for the lights of Shaftesbury Ave,   Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square with its Swiss carillon. Eventually Sue lead to us a wonderful pub called Chandos near to Trafalgar Square which is highly recommend, as the atmosphere is solely created by people chatting and laughing - yes no music, fruit machines or TVs, but with nice  open fires and booths an oasis in a mad city! I just wish there were more places like this! We had by now been out nearly 10 hours and time for more food. On this occasion, we visited Wong Kei (Wonkys as otherwise known), a basic restaurant with cheap but excellent Chinese food which is located in Wandour St on the edge of Chinatown. Not sure how Sue find’s places like this especially in London of all places. By the time we finished our meal, all three of us were a little weary and time to head home to Sue’s via the Underground and train to Twickers! 

This was some day, out for over 12 hours, full on with Joe Public and not a single problem encountered by anyone, in fact we were treated (as expected) with courtesy and respect, what more could you ask for. More importantly, M.R. thoroughly enjoyed her day too and as she said later, it was being out with two lovely normal girls. What more could I ask for - mmmm “wow”. 

The following morning (Sunday), got ready, had breakfast and went for a long but very chilly walk around Sue’s local area and Marble Hill Park near to the the River Thames. It was our intention to have a pub lunch but sadly the high tide of the River Thames put paid to that as the area in question was gradually getting flooded so we played safe and went to Orleans House Gallery for a warming coffee and cake! I must admit in hindsight, I’ve should of worn a longer skirt or even trousers for the walk as I spend some of the time, holding down my skirt from the chilly wind but at least I was warm (just) and had my over the knee leather flat boots. Afterwards, we went back to Sue’s for hot soup and snack before packing the car to head home. It was time to say our good byes to Sue who had been a wonderful host but more importantly made both of us feel at home especially M.R. In a lot of ways, although Sue would be the last person to admit this, but she made our weekend and one that neither of us will ever forget for numerous reasons - all “we” can say is a BIG THANK YOU for an excellent enjoyable weekend, hopefully we can do it again sometime. 

Sue has also made an entry in her blog about this weekend, see - http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/a-tourist-in-my-own-city.html and there are also some images of the weekend on my flickr site. 

Finally, I cannot finish this story without an extra mention of my partner M.R. who also made this weekend extra special indeed and in my eyes what more could I ever ask for. In fact I never in my wildest dreams, that she would ever think about going out with me for a weekend as KD especially  full in your face weekend jaunt in London! This say’s a lot about my lady indeed and proves that with a lot of love and understanding, that miracles can happen although to get this far has not been without numerous discussions, hurt, moving the goalposts, and most of all patience! As M.R. has said on a few occasions over the last 18 months, she has finally accepted her special friend K.D. and now I firmly believe her! Wow!! 

Again, my personal thanks to two amazing but special ladies for a great weekend. xxxxx

March 2013 - Home at last!

Well much of this entry refers to things happening in February rather than current matters, but the latter I’m sure will be written in the next few days as it will be about one of the highlights of KD’s life if not “the” highlight. 

February was a quiet month which in away was nice with minimum KD time but it was of maximum quality though. For a change no clothes purchases, nor any on the horizon although some MAC make up is required as running low on some items. While talking MAC, thinking of looking for suitable make-up to go with Red / Auburn wig that I have but very rarely wear. This is down in my opinion, that it requires different make - up to my normal so will seek advice from the MAC girls and see what they suggest. As for outings, only out twice, with first occasion being another Saturday evening out in the Village and meeting up with a couple of good friends too, namely Nikki and Christine who I have not seen for a while. Usual haunts were visited including a quick meal at Taurus and literally bumping into more friends during the course of the evening, including Paula, Carol, Kate and Mrs Kate, were a little bit of catch up on news was made. Also during the evening met a couple of (real) girls on a visit from Liverpool who were just having a night out, made more spooky, that one of them lived around the corner from me although she did not realize how close though! All in all, an enjoyable evening with great company, hopefully not too long before we do it again. 

The second outing was a little special on a personal note although the origin of the outing stemmed from a chance meeting of a student girl called Sianne from Blackpool in October last year. I met Sianne in Manchester while she was photographing another TGirl as part of her University project on Transgender people and got talking to her about her project. Cutting a long story short, I agreed to let her take some images of me in an everyday environment although at the time, not knowing which location it would be! That location turned out to be the Albert Dock / Pier Head in Liverpool which is my home city, a place that I have not visited for numerous reasons.    I met up with Sianne with her boyfriend Gary at the Albert Dock on a Thursday dinnertime were initially we had coffee / chat at the local Costa. From my perspective, this was as normal it was going to be amongst all the people and other students visiting too, especially being half term week too. Anyway Sianne, during the course of the afternoon, although a little chilly, proceeded to take photographs of me in an everyday environment without drawing any attention to myself. Gary was acting as Sianne’s assistant but he seemed to be enjoying himself along with being surprised how convincing I looked (his words) and beginning to understand why we Tgirls need to be ourselves. It was not long before the afternoon was over and we said our good byes, which after that, I went back to Costa for another coffee before ultimately heading home. It was only then I realize, that not one person gave me a second glance and not even the half term students had notice either which on reflection, gave me a great confidence boost that may be I look better than I think? Well it is up to others to decide that but I must be doing something right! As yet, not seen the images but I have been told there are some good ones and will be incorporated into Sianne’s university project. Regardless, I had finally visited my home city for the first time and deemed it was a successful visit but will restrict visits in the future never the less. 

So that was February but in the meantime, I had agreed to visit Sue Richmond in London in early March which turned out to be an extra special occasion in KD’s life in more ways than I could imagine. More of this, will be in my next blog entry, hopefully in the next few days or so.