June 2016 - What next

Getting into the habit now of updating this blog every two months now, as previously it has always  been once a month. That tells a story in itself and confirming in my own mind, how quiet my girly life is getting. Not much happening so not much to write about either. 

Since last entry been out twice, once last month and once this month so far although it is looking like it could be the only outing sadly. Both outings were to the Village in Manchester on a Wednesday meeting up with a couple of friends. Nice evenings were had but the Village itself is just too quiet these days and this is also happening on other Wednesday’s apparently. To be honest, Wednesday night in the Village has been going quieter over the last two years at least to the point there is not many girls out to begin with, a good night may be about 20 at most, other occasions even less and as for other people, that is taking a nose drop too. I was planning to go out last Wednesday and tonite but on both occasions, decided not too. Last Wednesday was mainly to do with the weather, too warm and sticky especially hair wise, no fun when its like that and tonite, there seem to be no one going out, so elected to stay in as if Village quiet, there would be more chance I be on my own for the evening. In those circumstances, no point in taking the effort in getting ready if no one around to appreciate it. Now thinking to forget going out on a Wednesday to the Village, try Friday instead as apparently that is a good night now?

As things stand, I am going to Sparkle next month and I think I have accommodation too at a price I’m able to afford at Weston Halls. This has come about due to another girl who decided to make a block booking on behalf of a number of girls in which Weston Halls were happy to accept. The only downside, is that I don’t know the girl who is arranging this but it seems to be legitimate as I’ve spoken to Weston Halls. Anyway, I’ve taken a chance, made a booking, paid the money and see what happens but I have been given most of the booking details already so it looks promising. I suppose I wont really know until I arrive on the Friday of Sparkle itself and see what happens. On the bright side, if it don’t go to plan, I’ve only lost £85 for three nights. So fingers cross. Unfortunately there is no alternative to this plan as hotel prices have got through the roof in Manchester assuming there is any available so my alternative is simply not attend Sparkle. So all will be revealed on Friday at Sparkle. In the meantime, I have been thinking about outfits for the weekend and I think a 50’s theme will be the order of the day. I have already purchase a 50’s style dress and a skirt, complete with petticoats too, so I look forward in wearing them along with appropriate underwear too. Not sure about the heels though, as I know I would struggle in stiletto’s so an alternative needs to be found to fit in with the theme.

Well that is all to write about for now, so probably my next blog entry will be in August sometime, so until then, bye for now. xxx 

April 2016 - Life easier in the closet?

Well my blog entries are getting more spaced out as time goes by which seems to sum my KD life I suppose. Contact with friends and so called friends are getting more spaced out than ever and therefore limiting my outings now to a bare minimum! However, it some girl’s eye’s they probably think well at least you getting out sometime, which is fair enough but sadly that is not the be all and end all of being person you like to be. 

Since my last entry I have been out a couple of times, with the last outing only last week to the Trafford Centre to meet a friend, for coffee, shopping, meal and a chat which was most enjoyable and even purchase a new skirt from M&S, not before I tried a couple of sizes in the changing rooms which seem to be a wise thing. Had I not done, I would of taken the wrong size home with me! The whole evening was enjoyable were I probably done too much chatting and my new hair style passed its test on only its second outing! Next time, if there is a next time, must try harder in staying quiet! :-))))

Although that was a good outing albeit a rare “good” outing, overall my position has not changed with getting out and about sadly. Although I try to make contact with others, there seems to be very little response sadly and therefore left in limbo at best! Ironically, I love being KD, enjoy everything about her but its seems now I am mostly in my own little world and that is no fun what so ever. I seriously think, that may be I would better off back in the closet, no one knowing and just enjoy “my” moments at home - life probably would be so much simpler I reckon! At least I would not to think about having friends as they would not exist anyway! So any closet girls thinking of coming out, think about it first as the TGirl world and all that entails is not that rosy and may be better off staying were you are! 

I suppose that going back into the closet will not happen as I am already “out” so to speak, so I cannot exactly go back in, can I? As I keep telling myself, think positive and things will change, but this has been going on for quite some time now and how long I will be able to keep doing this without ultimately affecting me? My overall conclusion / opinion of myself as KD is now at an all time low as I now think, I am at fault for everything that happens or does not happen! 

Ironically, my life outside KD is fine, have a fantastic wife in M.R. along with my children who are no trouble. I have a couple of good “outside” pastimes and enjoy participating in them too.  I enjoy where I work especially in the company of some of the girls I work with as I even get unsolicited hugs off them which is nice, makes me feel wanted. We seem to be a great team. What makes this more remarkable, all the girls are very much younger than I but they respect - may be look up to me but it is a nice feeling, something I don’t get in KD’s world! Last week, it was my 60th birthday - oh yes I get a free bus pass and medical prescriptions now (yay!) but some of the work girls as well as giving me birthday cards, I also got some “make-up” as pressies which was very much appreciated. How nice is that in my eyes, really a nice feeling ain’t it? Hopefully one day, I will be able to make use of the make-up but currently that don’t seem going to happen. 

Outings for the future, well there is none planned sadly although and currently in contact with one local girl which may produce a friendship that I am seeking. However, that is work in progress and see how it develops but still need to meet first! Ah yes, back to that again, will it happen! Outside this everything is just quiet although I am still hoping to get to Sparkle but the accommodation issue still remains with any rooms left now way over £200 per two nights! The only way I can afford that is sharing with someone but there is no takers there, although I am trying. As there is still 3 months to go, time is on my side at the moment so there is a chance something will change. Mind you even it does, who is going to meet me at Sparkle anyway? There you see, the negative mindset is there already but I cannot help it - sorry! But at least I can be “KD”! 

In my last entry and last paragraph, I had mentioned about my good friend Sue and how things were being a bit more positive, which was good. However, no sooner had I written that, I found out that Sue had taken a knock again with her skin condition and was not quite back to square one but not far, something that she did not need sadly. If there was ever a girl who deserved a break, some good fortune, she is the person who deserves it - so who ever is looking on her, please give her this break, not much to ask for is it? However, I understand there has been some slight improvement since then but currently waiting for the latest update. Fingers and all cross! 

February 2016 - First entry of the year surprisingly!

Well been over two months since my last entry and my first one for this year too. So may be I should wish everyone a belated Happy New Year and things are working out as expected? 

Looking back over the last two months, there has not been much going on to be honest. Christmas and New year periods, always quiet for me therefore this was no exception as no outings and work taking up any slack anyway. Well working in retail, it should be no surprise. Likewise, with the weather has generally been, wet, mild and miserable, it don’t exactly inspire you to get out either. However, I’ve manage to get out on 3 occasions, with two visits to Manchester and one to Chester too. The latter, I met my sister first for a nice meal, and a catch up chat on all things, family, work and the world! I had plans for a couple of outings over the last two weeks but they were cancelled due to me getting a virus while I was on a week’s holiday from work, which is just typical I suppose and also cause me to be off for a few more days when I was suppose to return to work. Although, I’m still not 100%, I’m now forcing myself to go back to work on the basis I may recover quicker - mmmm reverse mental thinking perhaps? Part of this thinking, is I wish to get out in the next week and hoping this will do the trick, getting back to normal. 

I did have plans to visit Wigs R Us in Southport as I am in need of a replacement wig for my old faithful but favourite wig as it is now well past it’s sell by date and far beyond of being rescued, restyled and recut for further use. However this appointment was cancelled, as the original intention that M.R. would come with her special friend for afternoon visit to Southport. But unknown to me, probably I made an assumption, that I thought M.R. was aware of this and happy to come too. I must admit, it did come as a surprise to me that M.R. did not want to go with her special friend but thought I would still be going anyway and have afternoon together. Fair enough but it did defeat the object of the exercise, so I decided to cancel and re-arrange on my own for end of February instead. I must admit, I was a little confused as M.R. had stated that she is not always part of KD’s life but in this instance, I was attempting to include M.R. as thinking it would be a nice afternoon but how wrong I was sadly. Must need to try harder but I’m not sure how in the circumstances which I find is a shame. May be it is me who cannot accept that M.R. (understandably) does not want to be part of it and just wants the other “me”? 

Looking at the rest of the year, still no firm plans for Sparkle weekend as currently hotel prices are very silly indeed and my usual location to stay is not taking bookings due to change of management. Unlike a lot of girls, I don’t have a bottomless pit for money and must remain within a budget for that weekend including meals, drinks etc. So to have my budget taken up by the cost of a hotel room, just makes the rest of the weekend a none event as I don’t have any money! Some have suggested, try sharing, yes that is easy said than done in practice but, first who with and is it at reasonable cost too? Likewise, with my experience’s of Leeds First Friday were people have let me down, I am very reluctant for me to make the booking either. The alternative is I suppose is a day visit (Saturday) but that is not the same and also presents another set of problems to overcome which I could do without. So I am in a Catch 22 situation but hopefully something will change in the next few months and I am able to go for the weekend?

Likewise, still no plans for visiting Leeds First Friday either unless some one offers to share and make the booking but realistically, that not going to happen. My main problem that many of my friends are still liable for one off meets per year due to distance involved or they continue to drift in and out of the scene so to speak because of their personal circumstances. In consequence, they think I am always going to be there which is true to a certain extent but in reality it’s no good to me, because it don’t help me at a personal level. This continues to be an internal battle in my head but I wish some of my friends just have a little more consideration for other people when they drift in and out of the scene. 

On the wardrobe front, I have now a good choice of dresses which has taken a while to overcome. One way or another as some women who are fully aware, your top and bottom sizes are not always the same and therefore a same size dress does not always fit you as intended, more often than not, bigger at the waist then at the breast size. I have suffered that particular problem but by trial and error, finally got a good selection of dresses that I’m able to wear comfortably. Only taken me over 10 years to get there! 

Also please to hear that my friend Sue (London) seems to be finally getting somewhere with her facial skin problems and things now seem to be more optimistic than they were use to be. Finally it seems there is some good light at the end of the tunnel, may be not too long before “normal” services resumes and Sue is out and about again soon. Fingers cross for you. 

So on that happy note, I now finish this entry for the time being.

December 2015 - It's here again!

Well another year is almost draws to a closed as Christmas Day is only 20 days away but a lot could happen between now and then, not just in my life but the way the world is going, in everyone’s lives! Ah well we leave the latter in the hands of the BBC News and just concentrate on KD matters and thoughts! 

About 10 days ago, I came across a blog entry on a Facebook account via T-Central Blogspot (see: http://t-central.blogspot.co.uk ) were they highlight a person’s blog entry from time to time which they may find interesting more than usual for other’s to read. On one occasion, one of my blog entries has been highlighted which was nice although not sure why, as my entries tend to be routine. Anyway, I came across this entry on T-Central - http://www.chicagonow.com/shades-gender/2015/11/cross-dressers-the-other-woman/  entitled “Cross-dressers - The other woman” by Terri Lee Ryan, who is an ex-wife although clearly still in contact and friends with her ex husband CD. What she wrote, describing their relation, her own thoughts on CD’s / TV’s / TGirls was very interesting and more importantly made sense as well as been true for most parts. I certainly could relate to it but more importantly, I showed my wife MR the entry and she wholly agreed with Terri Lee Ryan in what she wrote. As she said, she could write the same although she agreed I do attempt to think about “our” relationship without the other woman in her life. Not easy I accept but I do try. Regardless, I think it would be good if other TGirls read this entry especially those you have partners whether they know or not about you as I think you will relate to it one way or another as well as making you think too. I wonder how many TGirls will allow their partners to read this blog entry or does the truth hurt by any chance? 

Since my last blog entry, life has carried on as before or has it? In some ways, yes in other ways no but that is the nature of being a TGirl. October was a right off for me as for the first time in a number of years, I did not get out during the whole of the month. A number of things conspired against me to get out along with finding any suitable company too. The latter is important for a good outing. However, since then, been out 3 times including getting to the November Leeds First Friday which was an almost last minute decision. Although, I had only booked a hotel room about two weeks before hand, I was expecting to cancel as I thought it was unlikely I would meet anyone for the evening. Much to my surprise, 3 days before LFF, I got chatting to Amanda from York, who confirmed was attending and was also looking for company. So arrangements made and Friday came and went as such. Drove over to Leeds, booked in to the Discovery Hotel, nice twin bed bedroom and enough space for two more beds to fit in! Ironically I was on my own with all that space! Met up with Amanda at the Cosmo for pre meal drinks, got chatting and ended up chatting to other girls we both knew. One of the girls I met was Linda from Sussex, a girl who I had been chatting too for about 5 yrs and this was the first time we met face to face which was a nice surprise. For the meal, we as another girl joined us decided to literally go next door to the Thai restaurant for a lovely meal and with the staff suitably dressed in Thai costume which was nice and wishing I could dress that way too. The rest of the evening was about bar hopping but most time spent in the Smokestack due to the nice atmosphere and the R&B music. Around midnight, Amanda decided to head home and which left me more or less on my own. Although I manage to chat to a few girls I knew, it became clear it was going to be an unusual early night for me so come 1.45am, duly went back to the hotel room and to bed! Previous occasions, it had been around 5am before I got to bed but these things happen I suppose! As for future LFF events, I’m not sure I will book again unless another friend does the honours. 

Fortunately, manage to get out again later in November and met up with Kate (without other company) and finally caught up on happenings and things. Strange really, we both agree we are like sisters to each other as we chat about everything in our lives which we don’t to other friends. This was an enjoyable evening in the Village, I must admit and it is a pity there is not more of them. My last outing, was on Wednesday just gone were I met up with Alison from Kent who was up north due to business matters so the opportunity was taken to meet. Strangely the meet nearly did not happen as unknown to me my son was half day leave from work and duly arrived home early preventing me from getting ready as planned! Last time I was suppose to meet Alison in May, it was cancelled at the moment for exactly the same reasons as I could not get ready. On this occasion, I was not going to let it happen and decided one way or another I was getting out. Although I had made alternative arrangements with Alison by this time, fortunately my son went out and gave me the opportunity to get ready and quickly get out! Phew! Finally met up with Alison at Velvet but not before I met another girl called Helen (from Leicester) who was waiting for her “new” friend Laura (from Hull) to turn up. I killed some time waiting by chatting to her and eventually Alison arrived. Later on, we ended all been together for a meal and visiting some of the usual bars while we all got to know each other which proved interesting as it became apparent  all our partners knew about us as TGirls which was a little unusual or just co-incidence? By the time we got to Centre Stage, Helen decided to head back home to Leicester while Alison, Laura and I headed to New York, New York and then ultimately G.A.Y.! The latter place was a bit of an eyeopener for me as the last time I visited the bar (under another name?) was well over 2 years ago but arriving on this occasion, it became apparent it was a popular students bar along with cheap drinks. We were welcomed into the bar and all the students were enjoying themselves but funny enough our problem was not being TGirls but all the students were young enough to be our own kids! Talking about feeling old!! Regardless, we enjoyed the atmosphere in there, and some of the student girls chatted to us as well as dance with us too. Afterwards I headed home leaving Alison and Laura to head where ever! This was good evening and hopefully two new friends in the process too. Sadly although the plan was just be Alison and I for the evening, we never got to play catch up on our lives to each other but I’m sure we do that at a later date sometime. 

As for the rest of December, not got any definite plans for outings but hopefully a couple before Christmas! Certainly during the Xmas festive period and the New Year, there won’t be a chance due to family and work matters. Well time to leave it there and no doubt I will make another blog entry before the year is out. Finally, please accept my apologies for the layout of this and previous entry which is not of my doing. It looks if “Bogger” has changed some of the space settings and I’m not sure how to revert back to it my original layout. Give me a little time and will play about and see if Im able to improve it somehow! In the meantime, Happy Christmas to all.

October 2015 - Nothing new

Autumn is here and for some, tranny season begins again! Not sure why that should be the case but some girls stopped being girls during the summer because they are afraid of daylight! :-)))) 

Since my last entry, manage to get out twice last month, both enjoyable evening out’s in Manchester but the second of two was a little strange! I met up with Kate and Karen who was down from Scotland and went to Chinatown for a bite to eat in a Thai restaurant. The food was good and company was good too but sadly I was just too quiet. Not sure why I was like that as usually I’m chatty and wanting a good time. Something was missing that night and it was not until afterwards I realise why! I was in Manchester yet again - mainly the Village and now a little fed up in going there sadly. However, not sure what to do about it given my lack of social life, but hey I’ve written about that before so let us move on!  In the meantime, for some unknown reason, I had not been in a good place for a number of weeks but I could not pin it down to why! Had I known I could do something about it but I don’t and still like that now! 

Finally manage to have a sort out my wardrobe and sold some clothes on Ebay with the idea of using the funds to pay for a new wig, which I now need to replace my old faithful! It is now getting best its sell by date and desperately need a new one. Anyway with some success, I got enough money to think about making an appointment for later this month but you know what happens with the best laid plans, something always happen’s! Well no surprise it did, the gas boiler decided not to work and had to get British Gas out which ultimately cost £200!! Guess were that £200 come from, yes my wig piggy bank now empty! I was simply gutted and now I have no idea when I will have some spare cash again, so old faithful remains and a case of making do! Unfortunately, this now leaves me with a little confidence crisis, as I know my wig is not how it should be and therefore I feel uneasy wearing it sadly. However, that is not the immediate problem as simply I cannot go out because I have no spare money and what there is, needs to keep us going until end of month sadly. So by the looks of it, no outings this month what so ever and usually like going out this time of year, because I do love my Autumn / Winter look with the skirts, boots and coats!  

So not being in a good place continues but still not sure why. Probably give myself time, and things will get better, they usually do! Don’t get me wrong, I want to be KD and enjoy dressing as KD but I need to go out in the everyday world and that is just not happening. Yes, the Village is an OK substitute but it’s the same all the time which does get a little bit boring! I was wanting to do LFF next month but hotels all booked up and again, no funds to participate either! 

Well, I’ve written enough but may be I don’t wish to write anymore as I’m getting depressed as I write it. Right, time for bed. Byeeeee! x

PS: Not sure why there is no spacing in between lines, has Blogger reformatted it somehow but its looks horrible compared with previous entries. Sorry.