May 2014 - Thoughts elsewhere!

It has been a few weeks since my last entry and in someways that tells a story or may be lack of one. Really now’t to write about! Things in general have been quiet or may be more to the point lack of any activity. I seem to be stuck in the middle, wanting to go out and no one to go out with as been let down or people are busy doing other things. Since last blog entry, I have been out once and then I was taking a chance, as not meeting anyone in particular but been that long since I was out, that needs must. Anyway, went to the Village on 23rd April and see how things would pan out. Had a billy no mates meal at Taurus, visited the Knitting Club twice and by half nine I was ready to go home - yes it was that quiet! Anyway, while in MC, a girl approached me and introduced herself as Alison from Kent - well that change the night completely, we spent the rest of the evening chatting and visiting various bars in the Village and consequently an enjoyable  evening was had. Alison was on business in the area and could not resist a night out in the Village, I’m glad she did and now we have become friends. Just such a shame she did not live local but hopefully we will see each other soon again but definitely at Sparkle. It is strange how things can change literally in a minute and being on the verge of going home! However, I must say the first part of the evening in my opinion was a disaster especially being on my own as that is what it is not all about. Would I do it again, I’m really not sure as would I be so lucky again in meeting up with another nice girl out of the blue. I don’t think so.

As the title of this entry is entitled “thoughts elsewhere”, I need to explain why. Simply, a good friend of mine, Sue Richmond is having a difficult time especially with her face, which is the last thing any TGirl wants to happen. Although I’m moaning about lack of opportunities in getting out, at least I can get out without undue worries about my appearance. See Sue’s latest blog entry which will explain all - http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/bad-face.html I am sure like myself, you must feel for her and sincerely hope, a solution is found or better still, it disappears in the same way it arrived. 

Some weeks ago, I made what turned to be my last entry on the Angels Forum as it seemed that either the Forum has lost its way or it did not cater for my needs anymore - probably a combination of both. My last entry was simply covering those issues and the responses I received from other members were mixed but never the less interesting. However, bottom line, nothing has or will change in the future on the forum so no point in participating. Unfortunately, the Angels Forum simply does not cater for girls who are in the middle so to speak rather than those are new / still in the closet or wishing to go full time which the forum seems to cater for. May be one day, something will change on the forum and will cater for girls like myself again - so I remain a member and may be look in from time to time. 

Well anything else to write about? Mmmm not sure, certainly don’t need any more clothes although I did purchase a dress yesterday in the M&S Sale. This one is for the summer as I don’t have many summer clothes to begin with. Given the amount of opportunities I get out over recent months, may be I should have a good clear out of my clothes as it seems I don’t get the chance to wear them sadly! Regardless, a mini clear out must be due one way or another. The one thing that is keep me going at the moment is the “Sparkle” weekend in July and scheduled to meet up with a few friends there. I just hope nothing changes for that weekend otherwise, I’m not sure how I will cope mentally if it goes pear shape but it won’t - stay positive girl! I am hoping to get out tomorrow night but nothing is set in stone, so again, simply not sure it will happen. Well fingers cross. Right that is enough for now as I need to get ready for work! :-) 

In the meantime, if any girl is looking to get out during the day and / or evening in the North West, please get in touch and see how things transpire. I can't be the only one in this situation? 

March 2014 - All mixed up (not for the first time)!

Been a couple of months since my previous entry but really no point in writing if there is nothing to write about, well almost nothing but a few lines is not worth making an blog entry! At the end of my last blog entry, I mentioned about visiting MAC to restock up on my make up and so this was done. Total cost including make up for MR too, just on £175.00!! Things we do to attempt make ourselves look better but does it though? Answers on a £50 note please. 

Currently on two weeks holiday from work so playing catch up on a few domestic chores at home while I can along with taking some time out to be “me” too. Already managed to get out last Wednesday and met up with Kate for a few hours including a nice meal and catch up chat. Since then, it got me thinking about my outings and concluded, the last 18 months has been all mixed up for numerous reasons, some of which I have written about before in my blog. One of the reasons for this, I spent most of my outings in the company of different people were no two outings are the same or with the same person with the exception of Kate (Kat). But most of the outings have been to the Village, Manchester and I think that is were the problems lies. I enjoy visiting the Village and will continue to do so but I do enjoy going out to other places but that has not happened - this needs to change and must find ways of doing so. But whose company can I do that with, now that is the real question and one that needs to find an answer. May be part of the answer, is to visit other places in the UK to meet other girls but this would be on the basis of quality time rather than quantity - will that work in my head though? May be I need to give it a try? Certainly trying to get out in the normal world with local girls is also impossible as most of them, for numerous reasons, still shy away from such adventures, whether it is because of personal circumstances, still in the closet or just don’t have faith in them selves (nor the appearance) to blend in with their surroundings. Am I so different to other girls or am I at a more advanced level then most girls could ever aspire too for again, numerous reasons? 

Talking of friends, always interesting when you find out about something about people from the past, especially those who you met and then disappear - not to be heard of again but you do though! :-)) Some friends disappear but it is funny how they reappear again but don’t make contact with you - why? Is it a form of embarrassment, they don’t wish to admit they were wrong and could not help themselves to come out again? Or is it may be that the reality of the situation, you were not such a good friend in the first place although you thought you were and left the door open to make contact again? I suppose we may never know but I certainly view the situation that it is nice for them to get back out but why not make contact again? May they used you first time around and not value your friendship in the first instance? Mmmmm what ever the reasons are, it is not a nice feeling to have when you find out though that has happened. Aren’t some people (un)intentionally cruel and no consideration for others?   

Outings over the last couple of months have been minimal with the only one in February was to Leeds First Friday for the second time and another good evening was had. Met up with some girls (Belinda and Sarah) I had been chatting on a forum which was nice and hopefully the basis of possible future friendship. Another girl who I had been chatting on a forum, I had arranged to meet which I did, but it became clear to me, she was not interested in my company what so ever and in order to protect her identity (because I’m nice like that), I concluded her head was far up her own arse not warrant any future friendship what so ever. Sadly you get people like that in everyday life but just find it so unnecessary. Yes I do speak my mind sometimes! Best part of the evening was literally bumping into Diane (& her friend Ashley) in Fibre, so unexpected for both of us as we were asking the same question “what are you doing here”. Regardless, it was nice to see Diane, she was looking well and content especially being with her friend Ashley too. Hopefully it wont be too long before we meet again. :-) 

A couple of weeks ago, manage to get out to the Village (again) and met up with Sarah, which was nice and always a pleasure although it don’t happen often enough sadly. Also, another girl, Jennii came out with us too. I had been chatting to Jennii previously on a forum, and found she a local girl, so close only 10 minutes away in the car. So for convenience and to assist her, I collected  and dropped off at her home. Jennii I found was a nice but quiet girl, who as we found out had some things in common with each other. All in all, that was another nice evening and hopefully I will see Jennii again. Well fingers cross. 

Well, I think that is enough for for this entry, time for bed and plan the rest of my second week’s holiday. 

January 2014 - The long and short of it all!

Happy new year little blog and it has been a while since my last entry. Well, Christmas and New Year is always a quiet time for me as I seem to go back into the closet because of other priorities and also opportunities to get out is almost impossible. However, I accept that and don't worry about it though, just a fact of life. 

My last entry in November, I was clearly not in a good place but remarkably a few days after that entry, things changed yet again and life was a little brighter. Just proves you never know what is around the corner and therefore don't give up hope! On this occasion, Amanda Parnell contacted me as she was in the area and would I like to meet her in Chester? However, this was not an easy meet as I was rostered in work on the day we met, so I had to figure out the logistic’s of how to meet Amanda and also get into work later. The only way I could do it was to arrive in work as “me” but fortunately my colleagues are aware of me / seen me but clearly wont be expecting to see me arrive in work as “KD”!  Well cut a long story short, I met up with Amanda in Chester City Centre, had a walk about around the centre, had coffee in the Grosvenor Centre, visited the Cathedral, plenty of chat and last but not least was the video operator for Amanda’s Mystery City series which was amusing on my part. I have seen Amanda’s other video’s in this series but it seem strange for me watching her doing one live - so surreal! Regardless it was nice to meet Amanda and a good time was had but now had to get to work which was interesting to say the least arriving as KD! My colleagues reaction was quite amusing in the nicest possible way and loved the look but clearly things could not stay as they are due my customer facing duties. Well it was a good day regardless and certainly helped to change my outlook after my previous blog entry.

My next but as it happens my last outing of the year was on Wednesday, 11th December were I met up with Kate in the Village and yet another nice evening was had with her. Unusually on this occasion, I was wearing a gold / black dress that was shorter than Kate’s which was amusing to day the least as its always the other way around! A sign of the times perhaps? :-))) Interestingly, I had pencilled in 11th December as an evening out with M.R. and possible with another couple too to the Village as it had been a little while since M.R. had been out with me. What came next took me by surprise and a little shocked too, M.R. decided she did not want to come and had no further desire to come out with me in the future. Although we had further communication on this matter, it became clear M.R. wanted the real me as she put it - who can blame her though but was accepting of who I am and better for me to continue with KD’s life as and when as she no problem with that. Sadly for me, it not what I wanted as I enjoyed M.R’s company when she came out with me especially after our London trip. However, I won’t give up and keep fingers cross, that M.R. will come out me in the future, I certainly hope so! 

As previously stated Christmas and New Year is a dead part of the year so it becomes forgetful from my point of view and just look forward to the new year, so always attempt to plan an outing so I had something to look forward too. In consequence, manage to get out to the Village on 8th January, meeting up with Kate (& briefly Paula P) in Taurus. Kate was impressed with my leather coat but was not prepared what I had on underneath! I had decided to be very daring and unlike me, wore a very short black leather skirt! When I mean short, I mean short as length was only 13” which gave the opportunity of showing my legs off - yes i do have them too! Kate I think was impressed, but although it was nice to wear (with red top and boots), I don't think it will become part of a new image for me, just a little bit of fun and no harm done. Will I wear a short skirt again? Who knows! 

Being sale period and with not much money available, I limited my purchases to a M&S long black leather handbag and a Laura Ashley silk dress I’ve been keeping an eye on. The latter I got for £54 from £150 but as yet no definite plans to wear it but something will come up to give me the excuse to wear it which leads me onto future plans for this year. In the light of M.R’s decision to let me do my own thing so to speak (unless and hopefully a change of mind), my initial thoughts are clearly Leeds First Friday on a couple of occasions (may be soon?), Sparkle weekend and may be Erotica in November. Besides that hopefully some day outings in normalville which I always enjoy, along with visits to the Village and may be visit to London to see my lovely friend Sue again? 

Well I think that is enough for now but need a visit to MAC for some new make-up in the meantime. Oh yes, a little late maybe but a Happy New Year to everyone. 

November 2013 - Not in a good place!

Well another entry in the blog but this is the entry I wanted to write before the “LFF” thread but I like to do things in order, such is me! 

Since LFF, not actually manage to get out what so ever due to work and home which always seem to happen when it matters! So basically, I’ve been put on the back burner so to speak although as usual no ones fault! Well that is what I keep telling myself. So as some girls know, we get a sense of frustration, annoyance and disappointment too when we can't be ourselves. Unusually, I have even dress twice at home for the evening which is something I’m not always comfortable with because of waiting someone (family) to appear at the front door - just can’t 100% relax. The first time, I actually got ready and collected M.R. from work, which caught her by surprise or was it shock? Anyway, she seem to be ok with the fact she was with her special friend as M.R. puts it. However, regardless which way you see it, that has been the exceptions for this month! 

Contact with other friends has been minimal too for some unknown reason which leaves me with the feeling have I done something or said something wrong to anyone? Of course, that is not the case but when things are not going right, then you think all sorts and end up adding one and one which makes five! 

Anyway, I digress and the bottom line is I am just not right in the head at the moment although I was ok up to yesterday dinnertime, since then all gone down hill! As usual no one’s fault except my own all because of who I am - is that right? Yesterday, I had the opportunity to actually get out daytime to meet a girl in Manchester, so consequently made provisional arrangements to meet at about 1pm. It had been a while since Ive done a daylight outing in normalville so was looking forward to it. Well I was getting ready with a scheduled departure time at 12.30hrs and I had got almost got ready applying the final touches to my make-up when suddenly front door opened and my son had arrived home from work. OK no problem, stay in the bedroom and wait for my son to have his dinner before going back to work which would be about 30 mins! Son was thinking I was having a lie down so not raising suspicions and I text my friend to advise of delayed arrival! Anyway, 30 mins went and gone beginning to realise my son was not going anywhere, leaving me in a situation knowing that I was not going to get out what so ever. Consequently, I had to change back, make up all off etc and went downstairs to see son who advised me he had taken the afternoon off work and was staying in! Oh great I thought and yet another conspiracy against me but it left me texting my friend I was not coming which I am sure pleased her no end (not). So yet again I was left high and dry for an outing, yet no one’s fault except mine! 

Because of the above, since then, my mind has not been in the right place and finding it difficult to know what to do and consequently move on! M.R. is aware of the above situation and quite rightly see say’s not my son’s fault as he don’t know but it don’t make me feel any better about myself or the situation in general. I am now in a quiet (but not good) mood and prefer to be on my own but sadly I cant do that, as I’ve got to go to work and face the public, something I don’t feel like doing! 

OK, the above was unfortunate but it keeps happening. it is me who is suffering when this happens and sometimes I don't know how to deal with the situation. Home for the last 24 hours has been quiet as no one is talking to me, knowing the mood I am in but how do I get out of it?  My feeling although probably wrong, everything in my life centre’s around everyone else so where do I fit into this? What about me? Please don't suggest tell son about “me” but it is not as simple as that, oh I wish it was but M.R. and I have made a joint decision not say anything! M.R. is my rock and has been good to me especially to take onboard “me” without a choice too, where would I be without her, the mind boggles but my foreseeable future is with her regardless which wont change. So what do I do yet again? Interesting M.R. said something to me last night in defending my son, saying he is only human, but my answer was simple, so am I as I am also human! End of conversation! 

So there you go my little blog, where next, time will tell no doubt but currently “not in a good place”!

November 2013 - LFF!

Well after the last minute cancelation of going to Leeds First Friday (LFF) in October, it was decided to have another go for the November gathering. For those who are not familiar with LFF, it  is a once a month TGirl event held on the first Friday evening of the month around the clubs and pubs near to the city centre. For further details, click on this link:- http://racheltv8.co.uk/lff/index.php 

I had been advised this event is full on and that the music at the pubs and clubs is loud so may be not my type of an event for me to attend as I tend to like the quieter outings with just 3/4 friends at most. However, I have always taken the view to try things at least once and then judge for myself. Arrangements were already in place to go with Paula and the hotel room was booked at the Travel Lodge which is near to the action (Blayds Yard area) so it just a case of waiting for the day then hitting the road to Leeds. Travelling to Leeds was not easy and took us 3 hours for what should of been a 75 minute drive! Unfortunately for us, the M62 at the top of the Pennines was closed and an alternative but long winding route had to be found! 

Having finally arrived at the hotel and unpacking, first thing to do was get familiar with the location before the evening and getting a bite to eat which we duly did. Both Paula and I then proceeded to get ready with a theme of Halloween and black!  After that we finally hit the bars / clubs at around 9pm with the first port of call being Cosmopolitan Hotel Bar as that is the initial meeting place for Tgirls to start the evening. The bar was as expected, packed with girls in all sorts of outfits. The rest of the evening we visited Blayds Yard Bar, Viaduct, Fibre, The Loft before heading back to the Cosmo Bar prior to bedtime which happen to be 5am in the morning, a time unheard of in my book! 

During the course of the evening, we chatted to a few girls, even bumped into a couple of friends including Lisa B which was no surprise as I was half expecting it. We met in Fibre and had a good catch up natter and she was surprised to see me. As pre warned, yes the music when ever you went was loud but for a change, music I recognised and therefore enjoyed it but chatting in those area’s was difficult to say the least. However, while in Fibre, they opened the upstairs bar which was music free and best of all all shorts / mixes were only £2 each. Something I could not pass up as normally I don't drink when out and about due to driving to most places. While in the bar, a Tgirl and partner (Luci and Carmy) from Barnsley complimented me about my outfit which led to us remaining together for the rest of the evening, chatting drinking and generally enjoying ourselves until we said our good byes in the Cosmo Bar at 4am in the morning. Luci and Carmy were a lovely couple and it was there first time out to any tranny event, in fact it was Luci’s first time out. 

Eventually, Paula and I finally got back to the hotel, a little worst for wear (mainly tired) and decided to hit the pit at 5am in the morning. Five hours later we were up, got ready, packed the car and got breakfast / dinner in the city centre before heading home.   

All in all, Paula and I enjoyed the evening, probably more than we expected and certainly  enjoyed each other’s company and concluded we would like to come back to another LFF event but that will be sometime next year, something that I will look forward too much to my surprise!