Tuesday, 15 May 2012

May 12 - Its quiet and "me".

Since my outing in Birmingham which was 3 months ago, I’ve manage to get out once to meet a friend and that was in early April. Either side of that, not a chance and certainly as things stand at the moment at least another 2/3 weeks before any chance of doing so! Even then there is no guarantee of getting out then. Yes there are reasons for this but mainly to do with both money and work, more than anything. As for the former, just none what so ever although on the bright side the bills are being paid - sign of the times I suppose but not sure this will improve in the near future. 
As for work, well would you believe I work part-time, yet my hours are spread over 5 days per week but I’ve covered this problem in a previous blog entry. Nothing has changed and still looking for another proper part-time job. Yes remarkably there are vacancies out there but although I have plenty of experience and knowledge, I do feel I am been put onto the scrap heap which is frustrating and very disheartening at times. All I know I need to get out from my present employment as soon as possible but will I ever though!
Because of lack of being me, at least things at home are quiet but even then there has been some issues to deal with between M.R. and myself. However, here is not the place to discuss them but some is related to previous comments above. 
Ah yes, “me”, this what this blog is about but not much I can write about “me” - in fact who is “me” because there is a distinctive lack of “me” over recent times. Yes, I’m rambling but that is how I feel though. My contact with other friends is at an all time low, basically two girls keep in contact with me, one being Tina and the other Julia, who unfortunately lives in Northampton so “messenger” is our contact there. It would be nice to see Julia again but ............ ! No other so-called friends even bother with me these days, probably think I’ve dropped off the radar! Currently, I’m am trying to make new contact with other girls but that is not easy to say the least. A couple of girls I have got friendly with but it is early days in the friendship stakes, as for meeting, well it may happen, then again, like others before, byeee or drifted away as we not getting anywhere.  
My only proper outing was at the beginning of April were I met Tina at Salford Quays for a quick look around and a nice pleasant meal at Cafe Rouge by the Lowry. Afterwards, we went to the Village but that was part reluctance by both of us and ultimately agreed that it was the wrong move - should of went somewhere else! Although I enjoyed the outing and with my personal thanks to Tina for paying the food bill, I did find it a struggle to get ready though. It was not because of did not want to go out and be “me” but just because of being lack of “me” consistently.  Amazingly, and a lot of girls may envy me but I do have a big wardrobe of clothes (e.g. about 60 skirts for starters) but given my present circumstances I am luck to wear one! This is just crazy, I want to be “me” but my circumstances are just not playing ball - what is this all about? 
Even my interest in some of the forums is waning. I look on them, some have no recent activity which says a lot and then a couple of others have activity but by the same click of people rambling on about the lives and their problems. On occasions, I’ve tried to make some input but all to no avail - giving the impression of I am being ignored! May be its not on purpose but that how it feels, then again may be they don’t like me? Probably the latter I suspect! 
Ah well, time to go, must make dinner before I go to work in my part time role (not) early this afternoon. Mmm Just looking at my "hit" count - no ones looks at this blog anyway, so clearly talking to myself - I feel better for that too (not)! 

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