Wednesday, 25 April 2018

April 2018 - Crossroads?

I am now at the crossroads of KD's life not knowing what to do. I have been out and about since about 2005 and met many nice people along the way. Likewise, I have always attempted to dress the part, be polite, care about others, respect people, have fun, can be serious occasionally, also importantly attempted to appreciate other people's circumstances too. 

Over the years, I have met many girls for an outing, seem to have a good time then I don't hear from them again for what ever reason except the common denominator is 'me". What other conclusion am I am able to make sadly! 

Yes, I do seek geniune friendship but it must work both ways though, in other words in cannot be one way contact and I am making the running, more often than not. So again, it's me! Am I that bad? Yes it must be! Asking for too much? Yes, seems to be the answer! 

I get loads of compliments from girls especially, in my appearance, tend to look the part etc and yes I do have a big wardrobe with lots of nice clothes but these days hardly ever get to wear! Over the last few months, it has been difficult for me personally for numerous reasons but no one who suppose to know me has ask why or made contact, yet they know I have not been around! Say's a lot I suppose!

Recently I have been trying to get out, contacted some girls but geniunely have not been able to make it. Yes so disappointed from my point of view but it keeps happening and now is having a serious affect on me! I am coming to the stage now, I cannot take anymore knock backs or what ever you wish to call them! 

I am not a type of girl who enjoys going out on her own, yes I tried it but just not me nor do I wholly enjoy it,  I do like company after all, who does not? Other girls have suggested ‘social media’ for a source of contact, that is perfectly understandable but sadly I do not do Facebook, Twitter, What’s App for the plain simple reason, my family are on it and I am unable to risk any possibility of a cross-over between the two. There so called privacy options on these Apps are not fool proof sadly, experience has told me that already! 

So what do I do now, I have no idea and may be time to call it a day! I enjoy being ‘me’ when able too but that is the point ‘when’! Lately that is not happening and I look at my lovely wardrobe of clothes etc and just think when will I wear these again? It seems the answer is never, so may be time to go as no point just hanging up for no reason is there? 

Unfortunately, life in general is unforgiving, not perfect etc that I accept but I am now asking for too much clearly. I am not getting any younger either and I cannot waste my life away on, may be’s, let down, timetasters or what ever, life is really too short for that! 

Finally to all the ‘girls’ out there regardless of your personal circumstances, wishes, fantasties, fetishes, kinks etc, please be abit more careful and respectful of what you say or do, or in most cases, what you dont do, that you DO affect other people’s lives and when it continues to do it on the same person, it may not affect you but it HAS consequences!! So please be a more thoughtful, trueful, caring and repectful to the people please. As for me the damage has been done and now need to decide what to do! 

Written while I was listening to Bette Midler singing many lovely songs and including ‘Wind beneath my wings’ - just shed a few tears eh! 

Friday, 6 April 2018

April 2018 - A quiet six months!

Will this entry be a short one I wonder? Well it will be six months next Friday, 13th April since I have made an appearance and it has been the longest period of not being me since I’ve come out over 13 years ago. However, may be next Friday is when I actually get out once again. Well provisional arrangements have been made and now see what prevails over the next week, if it will actually happen. Regardless, it is long overdue, so fingers cross!

The above proposed outing is only possible due to becoming employed again since end of January and it is only now that the bank balance is beginning to resemble ‘normal’ again with some spare funds to consider outings. But regardless, it has been hard at times and thankfully turned the corner now. Lets hope I don’t go back there and that I work now until retirement age. 

My contact with other girls has been minimal to say the least with no contact what so ever from some who I thought were friends. Ah well, never mind, just proves how fickle the Tgirl world is I suppose. Regardless, I have manage to stay in contact with Jane, (local girl) who I met ironically 6 months ago on my last outing and little does she know has kept me going in some ways and we are attempting to meet again. Fingers cross this will happen as she is such a nice girl. Also Sue Richmond has kept in contact with me too which is nice but more importantly, she is now slowly getting back out again which is excellent news. 

So next week, I may be able to look into my wardrobes and actually consider what to wear for an outing, How novel! Fortunately, did not had to sell any clothes to raise funds during the last six months but realised still needed a new 28” petticoat, which I finally purchased this week. Now just got to wear it with the suitable swing dress or skirt.

Well, that is all for now, time for bed and some sleep. Bye for now. 

Monday, 1 January 2018

January 2018 - A new year but what does KD's future hold?

It has been a couple of months since I wrote anything in my blog but for once, there is nothing to write when it comes to me as KD. Everything is literally on hold and currently no idea what the future holds, certainly in the short to medium term. 

Those who have followed this blog (the few I imagine) and read the last entry, may realise personal things have been topsy turfy over the last few months but sadly the start of the new year does not start bright and now facing an uncertain future. So much so, that KD is well and truly taking a back seat for the foreseeable future as my priorities have shifted more importantly to everyday survival at home. 

Sadly for me, not been out since 13th October last year, although had opportunties to go out, circumstances and lack of money has conspired against me that they have been passed up with great reluctance but really no choice. Today, was the last day of employment and tomorrow I sign on as another umemployed person which is the first time in my working life I’ve had to do this.   It was sad leaving work tonight for the last time as I enjoyed working there, met many nice people too. Now got to go and find another job from somewhere but that wont be easy at this time of year. Sadly my ‘new’ job was a short term contract with the hope of getting kept on but it has not transpired that way. Yes take your take a chance and hope for the best. Ah well, it did not work out and not a good start to the new year! 

The consequence of all this that money will be short and as others know, luxuries if you wish to call being yourself one has got to go as you need to keep a roof over our heads first and foremost.  With this is mind, I have no plans to be out in the near future and no idea when I will eventually get out either. One of my plans to raise money if push comes to shove, it is start selling some of my clothes from my wardrobe just to raise some cash. Yes it could happen but hopefully not and attempt to be positive and something will turn up eventually to get everything back on an even keel. 

Well, I have written enough and now’t else to write about, so until the next entry, when ever that may be, next week, next month, may be many months, have a good new year. xx

(Edit: 2nd January 18 - I am unable to sign on and receive Job Seekers assistance (via DWP) due to receiving a small pension and already my stamp contributions for my State Pension have acheived their required level too. I pay my taxes and National Insurance and what do I get for assistance from the State - xxxx all! Yet plenty of people live off the state because of people like me!! Do I feel agrieved - yes and it sucks!!)

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

October 2017 - Post Sparkle happenings!

Well it has been 3 months since my last entry, which has been the longest I have not written a blog entry for quite some time. It has only been today, that I realise and thought about making an entry but not sure if this will be a short or long entry, but we will soon find out!

As you may have notice, not written anything about my attendence at ‘Sparkle 2017’ which in some ways speaks volumes about the weekend or may be not! This year a local friend, Paula shared a hotel room with me for two nights which ease the burden of the cost of the weekend but also more imporatnatly some nice company too. Generally speaking, the whole weekend was “ok” for both of us, met some friends as you always do and also miss friends too if they did not turn up! In the latter case two friends did not turn up being Zazoo and Joanne who were missed but happy to say, my good friend Sue manage to come up for the weekend which was good but she was also playing catch up with numerous girls at Sparkle who she had not seen for some time. As I’ve said, the weekend was “ok” but really nothing to write home about, has the event lost its ‘sparkle’ but I suspect others may disagree. To be honest, I was glad to get home on Sunday early afternoon and get away from it. As for next year, a decision has yet to be made. 

Things in general since Sparkle have been topsy turvy including an ongoing difficult spell at work were I have ultimately been off sick and consequently resigned from the job. Basically I just had enough where I was, lost the trust and belief in the staff I worked for numerous reasons and no longer an employer who I could work for either. Some people are just complete shits and two faced too. Thankfully, I have manage to find another job at a well known large retailer and start there this Thursday, which I am looking forward too. Something different and ultimately may be more variety too. 

However, I have began to realise that “other” things in my life in the last couple of years have not really not gone away in my head and this has played a part in my mental well being too. I suppose the above work issue finally made me realise I need to do something about it, so a visit to the doctor was arranged and a plan of action formulated. Strange really and probably unusually too, none of this has got to do with me as KD which I find is a positive thing. May be this proves I am content with that part of me and take things as they come in that respect? In all of this, there has been one constant factor in my well being and that is M.R. who has stood and supported me regardless which is nice and very much appreciated. Thank You. 

Outings since Sparkle have been few and far between to say the least, in fact I think only been out on three occasions including two “M2F” events in the Village , Manchester which were enjoyable. I have been invited on a few occasions to get out but sadly circumstances have dictated it was not possible. Those circumstances included two periods of a “chest” virus totally 7 weeks which really sound wise was not very lady like when out and about! In a lot of ways, my big wardrobe has been almost been redundant were my clothes are literally waiting for a rainy day to wear them!  With that in mind, certainly no point in making new clothes purchases, may be I should be selling some instead? Hopefully my next outing will be next week at the November ‘M2F’ event in the Village but as yet that is not confirmed I am attending. Fingers cross. 

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

July 2017 - Blog catch up!

Well “Sparkle” has been and gone just last weekend, so time to play catch up on my blog. Yes, almost three months since my last entry but to be honest, really not much to write about other than “same old moans” about one thing or another in KD’s life. So I will not write about them again! 

Outings have been limited to say the least but even on a couple of occasions, I had the opportunity to go out, but decided can’t be bothered! No particular reason I suppose but hot sticky weather plays apart and also you should not force yourself to do something as you end up not enjoying it. In attempting to recall when I’ve been out since the beginning of April, not including “Sparkle” weekend, I’ve only been out three times, one at the end of April and two others in June visiting the “Village”, Manchester on each occasion. I suppose just routine outings to be honest, nothing special other than catching up with a couple of friends as well as being “me” which is what its about! However, I must admit with a number of people knowing about “me”, I am able to be my true self regardless of what clothes I wear. Some girls I’ve spoken too, do understand what I’m saying here but basically, because you have no secrets as such, you are able to be the person you wish to be regardless of clothes you wear but it helps though wearing nice girly clothes etc. I have found with the people who dont know about “me”, I am unable to the complete person with them! I hope some of you who read this, understand what I am saying but also may be able to relate to it too? 

Prior to “Sparkle” and knowing I was going for the weekend, I purchase two dresses, a skirt and a couple pair of shoes before hand. The clothes had a 50’s theme were petticoats are required to give the fulness to the dresses and the skirt. They were purchase from “Lindy Bop” and are good value for money, interesting even M.R. purchase the same skirt although she does not want to wear a petticoat though. What a shame but I think she look good if she included a petticoat but the skirt will look nice on her regardless. 

As for other matters, life at home is fine but unfortunately going to work is now a chore sadly. I am unable to go into detail here but suffice to say, there has been numerous changes with in the store which has ultimately affected the staff including some making complaints against other staff. The atmosphere in consequence makes it a place not to work in, all thanks to some “shits” making a mountain out of a mole hill! Now I dont know who to trust or who to believe anymore! Ah well, the national mimimum wage at least pays some of my bills which is the positive part!! I would love to get a new job but at my age, I doubt I would fine another one sadly! So what the point of looking in the first place is my reasoning especially when i prefer to enjoy my free time I have left in my life. 

So I suppose as I have mentioned “Sparkle”, I suppose I need to write about it, yes I will but that be in my next entry as time for bed!