November 2013 - Not in a good place!

Well another entry in the blog but this is the entry I wanted to write before the “LFF” thread but I like to do things in order, such is me! 

Since LFF, not actually manage to get out what so ever due to work and home which always seem to happen when it matters! So basically, I’ve been put on the back burner so to speak although as usual no ones fault! Well that is what I keep telling myself. So as some girls know, we get a sense of frustration, annoyance and disappointment too when we can't be ourselves. Unusually, I have even dress twice at home for the evening which is something I’m not always comfortable with because of waiting someone (family) to appear at the front door - just can’t 100% relax. The first time, I actually got ready and collected M.R. from work, which caught her by surprise or was it shock? Anyway, she seem to be ok with the fact she was with her special friend as M.R. puts it. However, regardless which way you see it, that has been the exceptions for this month! 

Contact with other friends has been minimal too for some unknown reason which leaves me with the feeling have I done something or said something wrong to anyone? Of course, that is not the case but when things are not going right, then you think all sorts and end up adding one and one which makes five! 

Anyway, I digress and the bottom line is I am just not right in the head at the moment although I was ok up to yesterday dinnertime, since then all gone down hill! As usual no one’s fault except my own all because of who I am - is that right? Yesterday, I had the opportunity to actually get out daytime to meet a girl in Manchester, so consequently made provisional arrangements to meet at about 1pm. It had been a while since Ive done a daylight outing in normalville so was looking forward to it. Well I was getting ready with a scheduled departure time at 12.30hrs and I had got almost got ready applying the final touches to my make-up when suddenly front door opened and my son had arrived home from work. OK no problem, stay in the bedroom and wait for my son to have his dinner before going back to work which would be about 30 mins! Son was thinking I was having a lie down so not raising suspicions and I text my friend to advise of delayed arrival! Anyway, 30 mins went and gone beginning to realise my son was not going anywhere, leaving me in a situation knowing that I was not going to get out what so ever. Consequently, I had to change back, make up all off etc and went downstairs to see son who advised me he had taken the afternoon off work and was staying in! Oh great I thought and yet another conspiracy against me but it left me texting my friend I was not coming which I am sure pleased her no end (not). So yet again I was left high and dry for an outing, yet no one’s fault except mine! 

Because of the above, since then, my mind has not been in the right place and finding it difficult to know what to do and consequently move on! M.R. is aware of the above situation and quite rightly see say’s not my son’s fault as he don’t know but it don’t make me feel any better about myself or the situation in general. I am now in a quiet (but not good) mood and prefer to be on my own but sadly I cant do that, as I’ve got to go to work and face the public, something I don’t feel like doing! 

OK, the above was unfortunate but it keeps happening. it is me who is suffering when this happens and sometimes I don't know how to deal with the situation. Home for the last 24 hours has been quiet as no one is talking to me, knowing the mood I am in but how do I get out of it?  My feeling although probably wrong, everything in my life centre’s around everyone else so where do I fit into this? What about me? Please don't suggest tell son about “me” but it is not as simple as that, oh I wish it was but M.R. and I have made a joint decision not say anything! M.R. is my rock and has been good to me especially to take onboard “me” without a choice too, where would I be without her, the mind boggles but my foreseeable future is with her regardless which wont change. So what do I do yet again? Interesting M.R. said something to me last night in defending my son, saying he is only human, but my answer was simple, so am I as I am also human! End of conversation! 

So there you go my little blog, where next, time will tell no doubt but currently “not in a good place”!

November 2013 - LFF!

Well after the last minute cancelation of going to Leeds First Friday (LFF) in October, it was decided to have another go for the November gathering. For those who are not familiar with LFF, it  is a once a month TGirl event held on the first Friday evening of the month around the clubs and pubs near to the city centre. For further details, click on this link:- http://racheltv8.co.uk/lff/index.php 

I had been advised this event is full on and that the music at the pubs and clubs is loud so may be not my type of an event for me to attend as I tend to like the quieter outings with just 3/4 friends at most. However, I have always taken the view to try things at least once and then judge for myself. Arrangements were already in place to go with Paula and the hotel room was booked at the Travel Lodge which is near to the action (Blayds Yard area) so it just a case of waiting for the day then hitting the road to Leeds. Travelling to Leeds was not easy and took us 3 hours for what should of been a 75 minute drive! Unfortunately for us, the M62 at the top of the Pennines was closed and an alternative but long winding route had to be found! 

Having finally arrived at the hotel and unpacking, first thing to do was get familiar with the location before the evening and getting a bite to eat which we duly did. Both Paula and I then proceeded to get ready with a theme of Halloween and black!  After that we finally hit the bars / clubs at around 9pm with the first port of call being Cosmopolitan Hotel Bar as that is the initial meeting place for Tgirls to start the evening. The bar was as expected, packed with girls in all sorts of outfits. The rest of the evening we visited Blayds Yard Bar, Viaduct, Fibre, The Loft before heading back to the Cosmo Bar prior to bedtime which happen to be 5am in the morning, a time unheard of in my book! 

During the course of the evening, we chatted to a few girls, even bumped into a couple of friends including Lisa B which was no surprise as I was half expecting it. We met in Fibre and had a good catch up natter and she was surprised to see me. As pre warned, yes the music when ever you went was loud but for a change, music I recognised and therefore enjoyed it but chatting in those area’s was difficult to say the least. However, while in Fibre, they opened the upstairs bar which was music free and best of all all shorts / mixes were only £2 each. Something I could not pass up as normally I don't drink when out and about due to driving to most places. While in the bar, a Tgirl and partner (Luci and Carmy) from Barnsley complimented me about my outfit which led to us remaining together for the rest of the evening, chatting drinking and generally enjoying ourselves until we said our good byes in the Cosmo Bar at 4am in the morning. Luci and Carmy were a lovely couple and it was there first time out to any tranny event, in fact it was Luci’s first time out. 

Eventually, Paula and I finally got back to the hotel, a little worst for wear (mainly tired) and decided to hit the pit at 5am in the morning. Five hours later we were up, got ready, packed the car and got breakfast / dinner in the city centre before heading home.   

All in all, Paula and I enjoyed the evening, probably more than we expected and certainly  enjoyed each other’s company and concluded we would like to come back to another LFF event but that will be sometime next year, something that I will look forward too much to my surprise! 

November 2013 - Rekindled friends?

Currently I have a little time to kill and thought another blog entry may be? Manage to get out a couple of occasions last month but as usual these days to the Village, Manchester. It is an easy option of me I suppose but my preference is still get out in the everyday world but as I’ve said previously, not on my own, it is no fun that way. However, still looking for a similar girl to myself for this to happen and not for want of looking I may add. However, I will continue to get out to Manchester as at least I can be me in some way. 

First outing in October was meeting up with Kate, Mrs Kate and Emma, who was on a short visit back to this country during a work break. This turned to be lovely evening and it was nice to see Emma again. Emma and I have had our misunderstandings in the past as we are in a lot of ways different as chalk and cheese although in some other ways, have a few things in common too. However, one thing I admire about Emma, she had got out there as herself and broken a few barriers to say the least. Always portrays plenty of confidence and faith, along with encouraging other girls to do the same and a good friend to have on your side. As I said before, a good evening was had and my thanks to Emma for the nice touch in paying the meal bill too - that was a nice gesture and very much appreciated. Hopefully will see Emma again sometime?

Second occasion was a week later but this time meeting up with Sarah, and Sophia who have become good friends over the last couple of years. Both girls only get out occasionally - dare I say about twice a year but regardless always nice to see them in person rather than the usual place of the chatrooms. However, it was a meeting that almost did not happen! I usually get ready at home during dinnertime/early afternoon and then head out before anyone comes home! On this occasion, member of my family arrived home at dinnertime and no initial intentions of going out! Oooops which left me a little problem, how the hell do I get ready now?  I waited all afternoon, in the hope things would change but I decided to get my clothes / make up etc together regardless and attempt to come up with alternative plans! That was not easy but ended up with Plan X and decided that the changing room at Manchester Concord would be the best option, a location I never used before but was the only sensible option left! By the time I arrived at this decision it was already 18.30pm and needed to get on! It was not easy getting my gear to the car but eventually done it and finally arrived at MC at 20.00hrs which gave me less an hour to get ready. Normally when presented with the above circumstances, yes it has happened in the past, I always to decide not to bother going out but on this occasion for the sake of Sophia and Sarah, make the effort as they don't get out often! The MC changing room at Villagio’s was better than expected and a good option to get change again there. The mirrors there are excellent for your putting your make up on but not too much space thought to get ready if there is a few girls wanting to do the same. Much to my relief, I got ready in time and met up with Sophia and Sarah at Taurus just after nine! The rest of the evening was most enjoyable with Kate (again) joining us too and unusually not getting to bed until 3.00am - mmm dirty little stop out. :-))

Well that sums up October for me as things at home are quiet in general, M.R. taking things in her stride - ok it is not prefect from her point of view but things are very good compared what has happened in the past. So no complaints. I mention about friends from time to time and in reality I do have a small but good group of friends albeit most is by Internet communication with a handful I meet on an occasional basis. In some ways it is a nice situation to be in but recently that has changed with the reawakened friendship with a local girl, Paula. We have known each other in a distant sort of way over 2/3 years but over the last few weeks, we have made in roads in knowing each other better and nice much to our surprise, we have a few things in common and something to build on too. Interestingly, we have partners who accept us and who have been out with us too.  More spooky, our social backgrounds are very similar too! We have already been out together by going to Leeds First Friday for the first time at the beginning of this month but that is another story for my next blog entry. May be things are changing again in KD’s life, so on that positive note, time for bed and will be back soon!