Thursday, 14 April 2016

April 2016 - Life easier in the closet?

Well my blog entries are getting more spaced out as time goes by which seems to sum my KD life I suppose. Contact with friends and so called friends are getting more spaced out than ever and therefore limiting my outings now to a bare minimum! However, it some girl’s eye’s they probably think well at least you getting out sometime, which is fair enough but sadly that is not the be all and end all of being person you like to be. 

Since my last entry I have been out a couple of times, with the last outing only last week to the Trafford Centre to meet a friend, for coffee, shopping, meal and a chat which was most enjoyable and even purchase a new skirt from M&S, not before I tried a couple of sizes in the changing rooms which seem to be a wise thing. Had I not done, I would of taken the wrong size home with me! The whole evening was enjoyable were I probably done too much chatting and my new hair style passed its test on only its second outing! Next time, if there is a next time, must try harder in staying quiet! :-))))

Although that was a good outing albeit a rare “good” outing, overall my position has not changed with getting out and about sadly. Although I try to make contact with others, there seems to be very little response sadly and therefore left in limbo at best! Ironically, I love being KD, enjoy everything about her but its seems now I am mostly in my own little world and that is no fun what so ever. I seriously think, that may be I would better off back in the closet, no one knowing and just enjoy “my” moments at home - life probably would be so much simpler I reckon! At least I would not to think about having friends as they would not exist anyway! So any closet girls thinking of coming out, think about it first as the TGirl world and all that entails is not that rosy and may be better off staying were you are! 

I suppose that going back into the closet will not happen as I am already “out” so to speak, so I cannot exactly go back in, can I? As I keep telling myself, think positive and things will change, but this has been going on for quite some time now and how long I will be able to keep doing this without ultimately affecting me? My overall conclusion / opinion of myself as KD is now at an all time low as I now think, I am at fault for everything that happens or does not happen! 

Ironically, my life outside KD is fine, have a fantastic wife in M.R. along with my children who are no trouble. I have a couple of good “outside” pastimes and enjoy participating in them too.  I enjoy where I work especially in the company of some of the girls I work with as I even get unsolicited hugs off them which is nice, makes me feel wanted. We seem to be a great team. What makes this more remarkable, all the girls are very much younger than I but they respect - may be look up to me but it is a nice feeling, something I don’t get in KD’s world! Last week, it was my 60th birthday - oh yes I get a free bus pass and medical prescriptions now (yay!) but some of the work girls as well as giving me birthday cards, I also got some “make-up” as pressies which was very much appreciated. How nice is that in my eyes, really a nice feeling ain’t it? Hopefully one day, I will be able to make use of the make-up but currently that don’t seem going to happen. 

Outings for the future, well there is none planned sadly although and currently in contact with one local girl which may produce a friendship that I am seeking. However, that is work in progress and see how it develops but still need to meet first! Ah yes, back to that again, will it happen! Outside this everything is just quiet although I am still hoping to get to Sparkle but the accommodation issue still remains with any rooms left now way over £200 per two nights! The only way I can afford that is sharing with someone but there is no takers there, although I am trying. As there is still 3 months to go, time is on my side at the moment so there is a chance something will change. Mind you even it does, who is going to meet me at Sparkle anyway? There you see, the negative mindset is there already but I cannot help it - sorry! But at least I can be “KD”! 

In my last entry and last paragraph, I had mentioned about my good friend Sue and how things were being a bit more positive, which was good. However, no sooner had I written that, I found out that Sue had taken a knock again with her skin condition and was not quite back to square one but not far, something that she did not need sadly. If there was ever a girl who deserved a break, some good fortune, she is the person who deserves it - so who ever is looking on her, please give her this break, not much to ask for is it? However, I understand there has been some slight improvement since then but currently waiting for the latest update. Fingers and all cross! 


Sue Richmond said...

Thanks for your kind words, KD. Your support has been invaluable in keeping me positive in seeking recovery.

As for being out rarely and seeing few people, social media is almost essential these days unless you go to a regular meeting. Fact of modern life, just the way it is.

Sue x

Kay Denise said...

Thank you Sue, I just wish I live nearer though to give you some proper support. As for social media, you are already aware of the background of not using FB etc and in that respect, sadly nothing has changed and can not do much about it. xx