November 2013 - Not in a good place!

Well another entry in the blog but this is the entry I wanted to write before the “LFF” thread but I like to do things in order, such is me! 

Since LFF, not actually manage to get out what so ever due to work and home which always seem to happen when it matters! So basically, I’ve been put on the back burner so to speak although as usual no ones fault! Well that is what I keep telling myself. So as some girls know, we get a sense of frustration, annoyance and disappointment too when we can't be ourselves. Unusually, I have even dress twice at home for the evening which is something I’m not always comfortable with because of waiting someone (family) to appear at the front door - just can’t 100% relax. The first time, I actually got ready and collected M.R. from work, which caught her by surprise or was it shock? Anyway, she seem to be ok with the fact she was with her special friend as M.R. puts it. However, regardless which way you see it, that has been the exceptions for this month! 

Contact with other friends has been minimal too for some unknown reason which leaves me with the feeling have I done something or said something wrong to anyone? Of course, that is not the case but when things are not going right, then you think all sorts and end up adding one and one which makes five! 

Anyway, I digress and the bottom line is I am just not right in the head at the moment although I was ok up to yesterday dinnertime, since then all gone down hill! As usual no one’s fault except my own all because of who I am - is that right? Yesterday, I had the opportunity to actually get out daytime to meet a girl in Manchester, so consequently made provisional arrangements to meet at about 1pm. It had been a while since Ive done a daylight outing in normalville so was looking forward to it. Well I was getting ready with a scheduled departure time at 12.30hrs and I had got almost got ready applying the final touches to my make-up when suddenly front door opened and my son had arrived home from work. OK no problem, stay in the bedroom and wait for my son to have his dinner before going back to work which would be about 30 mins! Son was thinking I was having a lie down so not raising suspicions and I text my friend to advise of delayed arrival! Anyway, 30 mins went and gone beginning to realise my son was not going anywhere, leaving me in a situation knowing that I was not going to get out what so ever. Consequently, I had to change back, make up all off etc and went downstairs to see son who advised me he had taken the afternoon off work and was staying in! Oh great I thought and yet another conspiracy against me but it left me texting my friend I was not coming which I am sure pleased her no end (not). So yet again I was left high and dry for an outing, yet no one’s fault except mine! 

Because of the above, since then, my mind has not been in the right place and finding it difficult to know what to do and consequently move on! M.R. is aware of the above situation and quite rightly see say’s not my son’s fault as he don’t know but it don’t make me feel any better about myself or the situation in general. I am now in a quiet (but not good) mood and prefer to be on my own but sadly I cant do that, as I’ve got to go to work and face the public, something I don’t feel like doing! 

OK, the above was unfortunate but it keeps happening. it is me who is suffering when this happens and sometimes I don't know how to deal with the situation. Home for the last 24 hours has been quiet as no one is talking to me, knowing the mood I am in but how do I get out of it?  My feeling although probably wrong, everything in my life centre’s around everyone else so where do I fit into this? What about me? Please don't suggest tell son about “me” but it is not as simple as that, oh I wish it was but M.R. and I have made a joint decision not say anything! M.R. is my rock and has been good to me especially to take onboard “me” without a choice too, where would I be without her, the mind boggles but my foreseeable future is with her regardless which wont change. So what do I do yet again? Interesting M.R. said something to me last night in defending my son, saying he is only human, but my answer was simple, so am I as I am also human! End of conversation! 

So there you go my little blog, where next, time will tell no doubt but currently “not in a good place”!

November 2013 - LFF!

Well after the last minute cancelation of going to Leeds First Friday (LFF) in October, it was decided to have another go for the November gathering. For those who are not familiar with LFF, it  is a once a month TGirl event held on the first Friday evening of the month around the clubs and pubs near to the city centre. For further details, click on this link:- http://racheltv8.co.uk/lff/index.php 

I had been advised this event is full on and that the music at the pubs and clubs is loud so may be not my type of an event for me to attend as I tend to like the quieter outings with just 3/4 friends at most. However, I have always taken the view to try things at least once and then judge for myself. Arrangements were already in place to go with Paula and the hotel room was booked at the Travel Lodge which is near to the action (Blayds Yard area) so it just a case of waiting for the day then hitting the road to Leeds. Travelling to Leeds was not easy and took us 3 hours for what should of been a 75 minute drive! Unfortunately for us, the M62 at the top of the Pennines was closed and an alternative but long winding route had to be found! 

Having finally arrived at the hotel and unpacking, first thing to do was get familiar with the location before the evening and getting a bite to eat which we duly did. Both Paula and I then proceeded to get ready with a theme of Halloween and black!  After that we finally hit the bars / clubs at around 9pm with the first port of call being Cosmopolitan Hotel Bar as that is the initial meeting place for Tgirls to start the evening. The bar was as expected, packed with girls in all sorts of outfits. The rest of the evening we visited Blayds Yard Bar, Viaduct, Fibre, The Loft before heading back to the Cosmo Bar prior to bedtime which happen to be 5am in the morning, a time unheard of in my book! 

During the course of the evening, we chatted to a few girls, even bumped into a couple of friends including Lisa B which was no surprise as I was half expecting it. We met in Fibre and had a good catch up natter and she was surprised to see me. As pre warned, yes the music when ever you went was loud but for a change, music I recognised and therefore enjoyed it but chatting in those area’s was difficult to say the least. However, while in Fibre, they opened the upstairs bar which was music free and best of all all shorts / mixes were only £2 each. Something I could not pass up as normally I don't drink when out and about due to driving to most places. While in the bar, a Tgirl and partner (Luci and Carmy) from Barnsley complimented me about my outfit which led to us remaining together for the rest of the evening, chatting drinking and generally enjoying ourselves until we said our good byes in the Cosmo Bar at 4am in the morning. Luci and Carmy were a lovely couple and it was there first time out to any tranny event, in fact it was Luci’s first time out. 

Eventually, Paula and I finally got back to the hotel, a little worst for wear (mainly tired) and decided to hit the pit at 5am in the morning. Five hours later we were up, got ready, packed the car and got breakfast / dinner in the city centre before heading home.   

All in all, Paula and I enjoyed the evening, probably more than we expected and certainly  enjoyed each other’s company and concluded we would like to come back to another LFF event but that will be sometime next year, something that I will look forward too much to my surprise! 

November 2013 - Rekindled friends?

Currently I have a little time to kill and thought another blog entry may be? Manage to get out a couple of occasions last month but as usual these days to the Village, Manchester. It is an easy option of me I suppose but my preference is still get out in the everyday world but as I’ve said previously, not on my own, it is no fun that way. However, still looking for a similar girl to myself for this to happen and not for want of looking I may add. However, I will continue to get out to Manchester as at least I can be me in some way. 

First outing in October was meeting up with Kate, Mrs Kate and Emma, who was on a short visit back to this country during a work break. This turned to be lovely evening and it was nice to see Emma again. Emma and I have had our misunderstandings in the past as we are in a lot of ways different as chalk and cheese although in some other ways, have a few things in common too. However, one thing I admire about Emma, she had got out there as herself and broken a few barriers to say the least. Always portrays plenty of confidence and faith, along with encouraging other girls to do the same and a good friend to have on your side. As I said before, a good evening was had and my thanks to Emma for the nice touch in paying the meal bill too - that was a nice gesture and very much appreciated. Hopefully will see Emma again sometime?

Second occasion was a week later but this time meeting up with Sarah, and Sophia who have become good friends over the last couple of years. Both girls only get out occasionally - dare I say about twice a year but regardless always nice to see them in person rather than the usual place of the chatrooms. However, it was a meeting that almost did not happen! I usually get ready at home during dinnertime/early afternoon and then head out before anyone comes home! On this occasion, member of my family arrived home at dinnertime and no initial intentions of going out! Oooops which left me a little problem, how the hell do I get ready now?  I waited all afternoon, in the hope things would change but I decided to get my clothes / make up etc together regardless and attempt to come up with alternative plans! That was not easy but ended up with Plan X and decided that the changing room at Manchester Concord would be the best option, a location I never used before but was the only sensible option left! By the time I arrived at this decision it was already 18.30pm and needed to get on! It was not easy getting my gear to the car but eventually done it and finally arrived at MC at 20.00hrs which gave me less an hour to get ready. Normally when presented with the above circumstances, yes it has happened in the past, I always to decide not to bother going out but on this occasion for the sake of Sophia and Sarah, make the effort as they don't get out often! The MC changing room at Villagio’s was better than expected and a good option to get change again there. The mirrors there are excellent for your putting your make up on but not too much space thought to get ready if there is a few girls wanting to do the same. Much to my relief, I got ready in time and met up with Sophia and Sarah at Taurus just after nine! The rest of the evening was most enjoyable with Kate (again) joining us too and unusually not getting to bed until 3.00am - mmm dirty little stop out. :-))

Well that sums up October for me as things at home are quiet in general, M.R. taking things in her stride - ok it is not prefect from her point of view but things are very good compared what has happened in the past. So no complaints. I mention about friends from time to time and in reality I do have a small but good group of friends albeit most is by Internet communication with a handful I meet on an occasional basis. In some ways it is a nice situation to be in but recently that has changed with the reawakened friendship with a local girl, Paula. We have known each other in a distant sort of way over 2/3 years but over the last few weeks, we have made in roads in knowing each other better and nice much to our surprise, we have a few things in common and something to build on too. Interestingly, we have partners who accept us and who have been out with us too.  More spooky, our social backgrounds are very similar too! We have already been out together by going to Leeds First Friday for the first time at the beginning of this month but that is another story for my next blog entry. May be things are changing again in KD’s life, so on that positive note, time for bed and will be back soon! 

October 2013 - The "April Ashley" Exhibition.

A couple of days ago, I visited the April Ashley Exhibition being held at the Liverpool Museum of Life at the Pier Head waterfront in Liverpool. This exhibition is on until 21st September 2014 and it is a portrait of lady who was born in Liverpool in 1935, a former Vogue model and actress was one of the first people in the world to undergo pioneering gender reassignment surgery. It views her  fascinating life in brief through images, video and in words too, including some private documents. Also it shows the albeit slow progress through the years of gaining acceptance too, not just for herself but also importantly other TG people too. 

Being my home city, there was not much doubt I would visit the exhibition sooner or later, just a case of when. For those who are not familiar with the Liverpool Museum of Life, it is generally highlighting the history of the city through the eyes of local people in words, images and numerous exhibits too including Social, Armed Forces, Shipping, Music, Culture and much much more. To be honest there are not many locations that could justify a museum for that alone so in some ways, it is a unique museum in the UK and certainly one that is well worth a visit regardless of where you come from. 

Anyway back to April Ashley’s exhibition which I found fascinating, informative and interesting. It includes many images and documents from April Ashley’s personal collection but also other people’s contributions also. In some ways, like a lot of Museum Exhibitions, they take a minimal approach in the exhibition were less is more so to speak so on first appearance, there does not seem much to view. But in reality there is quite a lot to view including a mini theatre showing a 20/25 minute clip of various April Ashley takes on some of her past encounters along with short clips from TV interviews with Michael Parkinson and Russell Hartley. One thing that stood out for me that it became apparent amongst the various struggles throughout her interesting life, she never seem to be short of money as she clearly got around the globe including some nice clothes to go with it. I accept there are many reasons for this but this just adds to her fascinating life story  at this exhibition. As part of my visit I took some images of the exhibition and these are included in this blog entry. 

However, one part of the exhibition did slightly concern me, which was a “Timeline” board highlighting the different categories of words used to describe various people. Im my eyes, this a ‘labels” board which alot of us fight against as we are just “people”. I accept in some ways, we need words to attempt to describe some people but in this case, I’m not sure this was not necessary and in some instances, will continue to highlight the stereo typical image in joe public’s eyes. According to the board, I apparently come under the Transvestite / Crossdresser label BUT I do not see that nor do I agree. It is not as black and white as that!  I accept some may not agree with this but this is how I see it. 

One thing for sure, if nothing else the April Ashley Exhibition does highlight the transgender cause so to speak to the public at large and certainly makes them aware that we are people / individuals after all. To me this is a good thing especially in my city and hopefully in time, better acceptance and understanding by all? I had noted, during my time at the exhibition, there were many members of joe public viewing it with great interest and heard nothing untowards while I was there - a good sign perhaps? 

Further images of the April Ashley exhibition are below: 

 

Website Link for further information: 

http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/mol/exhibitions/april-ashley/

October 2013 - Was quiet but not for long?

Well Sparkle was almost 3 months ago and my last blog entry was some while ago, so it seems about time to make an entry! There lies a problem, what to write about if things have been generally quiet since Sparkle. However, I’m sure I will be able to come up with something? 

Well outings, have been minimal to say the least, in fact I think may be three outings since July, the last one being 2 weeks ago which was a nice evening with Kate in the Village. In fact, it had been a long time since Kate and I had a full evening together so in some ways we were playing a little catch up so to speak. Well we caught up on many things as well as having a nice meal at Velvet with visits to Taurus, Molly House and at the end of the night, Naps also. It was a good enjoyable evening to be honest and hopefully it wont be too long before we do it again. 

I had plans to do Leeds First Friday this month with a friend, hotel room was booked and all we needed was the day too arrive and off we go! Sadly, it never happened, my friend hurt her ankle so could not go and even if she did not, I ended up with a virus on late Thursday evening so I would of not gone anyway. Clearly it was not meant to be. May be next month? Talking of future outings, should have at least two in the next couple of weeks as provisional arrangements already in place.

Another mini clear out in the wardrobe was had with some more clothes going on Ebay but also purchase 3 River Island new skirts, a M&S dress and a couple of tops. Looking at my wardrobe now seems to be about right now in content and not over loaded either. Only taken me a few years to get to this stage. 

Keeping in contact with other friends sometimes seem to be difficult at times for numerous reasons including their personal circumstances of course but also method of contact too. I tend to use e/mails and Yahoo Messenger for contact with the odd mobile text message too - better for me personally. However, I am aware that some friends use Facebook and at times be tempted to set up an account myself, which I did! Although I change most of profile settings to keep it private as possible, it is clear to me that Facebook, still has away of connecting you to possible contacts either in your area or other links (via the internet) which has spooked me to say the least! So much so, other than setting up the account, I’ve not gone any further! I blame Facebook for this and the way they try their best to find any link that may introduce people to you - well Facebook, well done as you done the opposite and I wont bother! What makes it worst, is listening to some stories when things go wrong which makes you all the more wary! 

In the past, I have been aware quite a few girls seem to go to Blackpool for outings and also heard a few good reports too. So in consequence I have thought about going sometime but as yet never got around to it. Also what it makes it more interesting, I have not been to Blackpool in any capacity for over 30+ years until recently! M.R. and I (not KD) decided to visit Blackpool for a day out and see the lights too! Although an enjoyable day out was had, it made me realize that the general demeanor and the clientele it attracts was not for me even as KD. I know some of you will suggest otherwise but I just cannot find for the life of me what the attraction for Blackpool is? My impression of Blackpool, has not changed since 30+ years ago which I find sad indeed as clearly there are some nice people there. As someone said to me and in a way it sums Blackpool up, it is full of Kylelites - reference to the type of people that appear on the Jeremy Kyle daytime TV show! Ooooops me thinks but ...... ? Yes I wont be going to Blackpool again!

My next blog entry is already lined up as I visited the April Ashley exhibition at the Liverpool Museum of Life recently and in consequence deserves an entry of its own along with some suitable images too. See this link to the exhibition:- http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/mol/exhibitions/april-ashley/

July 2013 - The trials and joys of a Sparkle weekend!

I had not made any particular arrangements to meet friends or attend any events during the weekend, leaving everything by chance and take things as they come. However, I was aware of Sue Richmond attending the event and was sure that we would meet sooner rather than later. Prior to the weekend and all being well was going to meet Maria for the first time, the partner of Nikki sometime on Saturday which was something to look forward too. In the meantime, I had ask M.R. if she would at least come on Saturday afternoon but no commitment was made.

Friday morning arrived and made the decision to get ready at the hotel in Manchester rather than changing at home, just made life easier all round. Clothes and all packed in the car and off I go, arriving in Manchester about 2.00pm. On arrival, first thing was to change and get out asap, finally  arrived in the Village around 4pm to see who was around. Canal St was busy and hot too - oh yes the sun was out but just too warm for comfort. I ended up inside Taurus to cool off a little with a refreshing drink and met Jane Owen, a long standing friend but to most, one of the girls involved in bringing “Sparkle” together. We chatted for a while and said our temporary farewells and I ordered a bite to eat. It is then that things went wrong as while eating a piece of bread, my new filling fill dropped out leaving me a nice gap in my teeth! Not what I wanted nor expecting and put a damper on the whole evening. As most girls / women know, we strive on looking as best as we can which gives us the confidence and any thing that prevents that from happening changes our mind set completely. Loosing a front filling / tooth is one of those things and my first priority was to see if there were any emergency dentists around which proved to be a fruitless task - basically there aren’t any! Contacting the local NHS surgery, who advised best option was to contact my dentist on return home which was a couple of days away! At that time, I just felt like packing up and heading home! In the meantime, I had text Sue to advise of the situation and words of encouragement arrived which I wanted to hear. In consequence, I got ready and met Sue at Eden and attempted to make the most of the evening but by midnight, I had enough as I was not being the best company in the world plus I needed to get up early the following morning to find a temporary solution to my tooth and discomfort I was in too as drinking was a little painful!

The following morning I headed to Boots in the city centre as there was a dentist based above the store and sort advice which were encouraging but also a sense of reality that nothing could be done. However, the dentist did suggest a filler paste which can be obtained in Boots as a temporary solution but given the location of the broken tooth, had no great hope it would work! Off downstairs to Boots and found the filler paste he was referring too and a very small tub was purchased at a cost of £8. Headed back to the hotel and duly filled the missing gap with no great hope it would stay put. Although colour wise it was not perfect match, at least the tooth was open to the elements. With that out of the way, proceeded to get change and meet up with Sue and other girls at Villagio’s for lunch but not before meeting up with Maria who was a friend of mine’s RG partner who I got to know over the last 6 months or so via the net. When we chatted, we seem to get on well with each other and knew sooner or later we would finally meet, and Sparkle was the idea occasion. Maria had manage to get a last minute hotel room booking for the Saturday  night so finally we were going to meet, something both of us were looking forward too. I met up with Maria at the hotel entrance and introductions were not required as we knew each other already, strange it may seem. After Maria booked in and got freshened up, we both headed to Villagio’s for lunch and to meet Sue and the girls. A couple of hours later, duly fed, a good chat with all as well as Maria and I having a good natter too. Afterwards it was walk around the Park for the afternoon entertainment as well as meeting old and new friends. Amongst the friends I met, were Carol, Justine, and Mandy and always nice to see them. Later on I came across Amanda  (from York) a girl who I had got to know recently via the net and a girl who I admired, as she always looked nice and very presentable in the outside world. Seeing her for the first time certainly lived up to the images of her, in fact much better plus more importantly, a lovely personality too. For the next hour or so we chatted over a drink in the Molly House which was nice and cool given the hot sunny weather outside and found we had some things in common - a start of friendship hopefully. We parted our ways and I headed back to the Park were much to my surprise met Nikki (from Chester) with her loving partner. Nikki who 7 years previously virtually to the day, made her first outing at Sparkle but since then as become the woman she always wanted to be and did she really looked good along with her partner who also became the woman she wanted to be. It was great chatting to both of them, they looked so happy together and looking great too, they left me with a great happy feeling within me to see such a wonderful ending to their tortured frustrating life’s they had live previously and not without some personal cost too. But it all worked out in the end - absolutely fantastic! By this time, met up with Maria gain and ended back to our hotel rooms to get ready for the evening.

As stated earlier, I had made no specific plans for Sparkle and generally make things up as I / we went along and this was proving the case although enjoyable too. Sue had confirmed she was meeting two friends Zazoo and Joanne later in Chinatown and was heading to a Thai Restaurant for a bite to eat and confirmed it was ok to join her. Prior to the weekend, I had already purchased some new clothes with Sparkle in mind including a couple of dresses from my work place. Normally for practicable reasons, it is not always easy to wear dresses when I’m out but being away from home, I had the opportunity I was going to make the most of it. My outfit for the evening was simply that, a nice colourful silk dress with matching bolero, neckless and shoes and amazingly came together very well. I met up with Maria and we both headed to Chinatown to meet up with Sue who was caught unawares as she was only expecting me! Ooops but that was my fault as I made an assumption that Sue would know - mmm silly girl I am but anyway no big deal. Although Sue, Zazoo and Joanne had almost finished their meal by the time we arrived, we ordered our meal and played catch up. Regardless, an enjoyable meal was had and finally we all headed back to the Village for the party atmosphere. The rest of the evening was either spent in Taurus with a window view, watching the world go by or more to the point watching a guy on his mobile phone for over 90 minutes with DS on his t-shirt - mmmm not a very convincing member of Joe Public! :-))) In that time got to know Zazoo and Joanne a little better, both lovely girls for different reasons but Zazoo, being a Glaswegian girl just fascinated me with a lovely personality too. Afterwards, we toured the Village which seem to crowded with people but with a lack of TGirls present given it was Sparkle Saturday. Certainly got to know Maria by that time and we got on like a house on fire with her attempting to avoid a particular person all night who seen to fancy her - it was in fact quite amusing to both of us. The last place of call was Naps, no surprise but spent most of time in the cellar, attempting to say cool by the fan and less people there as it was too hot for any dancing. Well it was now 3.30am and time for some sleep while we could as needed to out of our rooms by 12! Well so I thought! 

After about 5 hours sleep, woke up at 10.00am thinking I had until 12 to get ready and leave the hotel but Maria text me to advise it was not so and it was 11.00am. Oh shit this lady said!! To add to the confusion, M.R. (my partner) confirmed she was traveling to Manchester to meet me and of course Sue, as they have become good friends. This was a pleasant surprise and something I was hoping would happen. However, the bottom line I had less than an hour to get ready and leave my room. To cut a long story short, I manage to do it but not in the circumstances I found myself in unfortunately which ultimately changed my visual appearance for the rest of the day. I met Maria first and had a coffee with more chat again and advising Maria, she would be able to meet my partner which she was hoping to do. Afterwards, we headed to the Village and agreed to meet Sue, Zazoo and Joanne at Taurus were the weather by the way was warm and sunny - mmm a lovely day to relax in the Village which ultimately it turned out to be. M.R. finally arrived in the Village just after one and after the introductions. M.R. proceeded to chat away to Sue and Maria especially but no one was left out. It seemed that Maria and M.R. had hit it off with each which pleased me. We spent the rest of the afternoon outside Taurus were everyone else seem to be doing the same thing, drinking, eating, chatting and enjoying themselves in the sun. Entertainment was also provided in the disguise of the “Gay Gordons” who were lovely gentlemen who entertained us with their version of Scottish dancing. At the end of the show, they made their final bow literally and revealed (well some) what they had on (not) under their kilts - for some people it took them by surprise to say the least but all in good humour. After that we all headed to the cooler climate of the Molly House for our final drink of the day. Time was now 7.30pm, said our farewells with M.R and I departed for home. 

All in all, it turned to be a good weekend in excellent company after all, especially after the “filling” problem. Mmmm talking of which, some of you may be curious what happened to that particular problem. Well much to my surprise, the £8 filler paste that was placed in my front tooth remained there for the whole weekend with careful drink / food management of course. In fact it remained there until Wednesday when I visited the dentist and ended up having a crown fitted, as well as being £214.00 the poorer too - ouch in more ways than one!

July 2013 - Experience, Transphobia and a filling!

Well it is that time of year when Sparkle has been and gone but it was a mix time this year and I’m sure more of this will come later.

Looking back at my last paragraph of my last entry, I have had further thoughts about Tina and I believe that she will be back in time - not sure why I say that I remain optimistic never the less and look forward in seeing her again. Life at home and with M.R. is about as normal as it can be which great really and as mentioned previously, there is no pressure about as and when KD makes an appearance. It is a nice feeling to have! 

Since my last entry, things generally have been quiet and weather has been warm/hot and sunny, which sometimes does not do Tgirls any favours when it comes to head gear!! However, manage to get out at beginning of month and met up with Kate for a quiet evening out in the Village, which turned out to be that too - quiet but enjoyable. Must do it again Kate. Met Kristina who was what was on her regular Wed night out and looking good too. Like all of us, we improve as we get more experience and more knowledge, ultimately looking totally different to when we first stepped out into the big world. Then you think back, why did you dress the way you did, but you got to start somewhere remembering that real girls always have the advantage of being who they are from very early stage in their lives and create their own look as time passes by. Sometimes we got to do that in a matter of a very short period of time, so may be we should not be so hard on ourselves when we dress, apply make-up etc. 

I have been reading Dianne’s blog recently and noted she (and her friend) had an unfortunate experience during a night out in Liverpool City Centre. Both of them had always visited on regular occasions a particular Tgirl friendly bar and never had any bother until this particular night, when without warning they were ask to leave for no apparent reason by the bouncer. Although they ask why, no reason was given and one can only assume that someone at the bar did not like their presence. As you imagine, this was embarrassing and unjustified as well as what may be transphobic behaviour! I do feel for Dianne as this is hers and my home city and generally speaking we (scousers) are a good natured / humourous people and do accept all sorts but on this occasion, I am unable to defend these actions what so ever. May be the bottom line that Liverpool City night life is just not ready for us Tgirls but is it time the binge crowd arrived in the 21st century and stopped being bloody stupid, as after all we are all human beings and wish to be treated as such! 

As mentioned earlier, Sparkle has been and gone and overall it was an enjoyable experience especially catching up old and new friends. May be that is the real reason for the event rather than a celebration of all things transgender? I had stayed over two nights being the Friday and the Saturday but prior to that, I had to think what I was going to wear which turned out to be easier than I thought. I had decided that dresses were order of the day, as it is very rare I wear them for one reason or another and also the opportunity had presented in work were two dresses caught my eye which were duly purchased for the occasion. The rest of my clothes were new items purchased during the course of the year. So right, it was now a case of waiting for the day to pack and off I go! Well not so my teeth said! Sunday before Sparkle and it had to be that week, a filling on my front upper tooth decided to crack which meant a visit to the dentist asap as it does dent one’s confidence in the smiling stakes. My next problem was to get an appointment and manage to get a cancellation with net result, filling done and normality returned - so I thought! Well I will leave it there in relation to this blog entry and write a separate entry about my joys, trials and tribulations of my Sparkle weekend. :-)) 

May / June 2013 - Friends!

Hello my little blog, yes I’m still here but last entry which was many weeks ago, not much has really happened or has there? 

First I must mention yet again my partner M.R. who has accepted me for who I am which in a strange sort of way, has taken the pressure off me in being “me”! Basically, because there is no discussions as such between us as it is part of our lives now, there is no need to be “me” as I can now dress as and when I want. However, I now don’t feel the need to do so as I can do it anytime within reason and without setting an agenda. Not sure if anyone is reading this understands what I’m getting at but hopefully you may do? 

During these last few weeks, I have chatted to and e/mail some friends just getting upto date news and gossip along trying to arrange outings. The latter now a days not easy what so ever as we all have  our own personal circumstances and getting our free time to co-incide is on occasions mission impossible. However, that is no one’s fault just a fact of life. With these circumstances, I’ve only manage to get out twice, first beginning of May and also last week with both being manchester as the venue. The May outing, met up with Sophia, Carol and Tami, who was on her first ever public outing and she done well. A good evening was had with plenty of chat, drink and some food. Last week’s outing was really just a short one as it turned out. Took the opportunity to view the Blackpool and Fylde College annual degree photographic show at the Cube Gallery (http://www.cube.org.uk/page/currentexhibition) were Sianne was displaying her work involved in her TG photo project. Certainly a wide range of images provided by the students, some interesting, others a left you little puzzled. some thoughtful and small handful sort of shocked especially in a public gallery. While there, met a full time girl, Michelle from Warrington and we had a good conversation and a drink before we both headed home. All being well, will meet Michelle again in the future. At the moment, not sure of future outings as nothing planned but it may be Sparkle could be my next outing and I look forward to the event - at least a chance to wear some of my summer clothes!  

Talking of friends previously, two of my closest friends Tina and Sue have been going their own personal problems but totally different from each other. In respect of Sue, all I will say, she is going through a personal difficult time and with that a slight change of priorities for her. In due course I’m sure she will be back to normal and looking forward in seeing her at Sparkle. In the meantime, I’m thinking of you and you know where I am, if you need anything. My other friend, Tina has also been going through a difficult time over the last 12 months or so and in consequence, her priorities have completely change altogether with the result that Tina has firmly taken a backseat for the foreseeable future. Alas, will Tina ever make an appearance again? Unfortunately, our friendship was based on our femme personalities and consequently not sure if we had other things in common. With Tina’s decision, strange it may seem, I’ve lost a very good friend for outings etc were in the past we had many a good time in the everyday world. This has hit me hard in some ways and certainly one of the reasons for less outings. I have left the door open for Tina to get back in touch and hopefully our friendship can continue but sadly I don’t think this will be the case. However, I wished to be proved wrong but regardless I send my sincere good wishes to Tina for the future - she deserves it. 

Well, that is all for this entry as as I’ve said, not much has happened. 

April 2013 - Who is Selfish?

Well since our weekend away, things have been generally quiet with only two outing’s since then, although they were enjoyable day’s and a strange but sad text to M.R. from my daughter! 

Just over a year ago, I found out my daughter knew about me and although we have had one discussion between us, she seem to be ok with it, although clearly she preferred to be kept quiet and leave it at that. I had no problems with that but this all changed some weeks ago when my daughter text M.R. saying various things about me being KD! At that time, it affected me and consequently for a short period I had not been in the mood to go out. What made matters worst, it was ok for daughter to sent the text but no right to reply either! I can't say too much as this is a public blog but the contents just upset me (& Glynis) to be honest and clearly daughter thinks I'm selfish for being who I am. I suppose the bottom line, it has left me with an empty feeling along with thinking who is the selfish one and also never brought my (our) daughter to be so blinked in her views! Does not my (our) happiness and what we want now and the future matter in the circumstances?  After bringing our kids up for the last 30 years including feed them, roof over their heads, never wanted for anything, if fact we gave our lives for them but that don’t matter - mmmm who is the selfish one in the circumstances? We never brought our daughter up to be like this and that makes me sad!

Anyway, the two outings I’ve had, have been enjoyable for different reasons. The first was the last Wednesday in March and met up with Kate for a meal and a chat. It had been a quite a while since we had done this, so it was a case of playing catch up. This we did eventually (loud music aside) as well as meeting one of Kate’s friends from the Stockport area whose name I’ve forgotten (sorry). Much to my surprise, I bumped into Jane (Maybe) and later on in the evening we managed to play catch up also as it had been a long time since we really chatted. Previously, we had been ships passing in the night with the odd hiya. Jane was looking very well indeed and now the girl she always wanted to be but she was now seeking a partner for the future which is understandable. Jane, if you are reading this, you will find one when you least expect it and there is someone out there for you, that I’m sure. You deserved it but be patient hey. 

The second outing was a little special I suppose, as it was a day and night affair! Previously I had met up with Sianne, a RG from Blackpool who is doing a Uni project on TG people but we had agreed to meet again for more photo’s and a good natter. This time we met in one of Liverpool’s bigger parks, namely Sefton Park. This park I knew very well from my younger days and it was a strange for me walking around as "me" but was never the less enjoyable being a nice sunny afternoon. On this occasion, I choose a different outfit from the last meeting but also conscious that it needed to be dual purpose as I was meeting two girls in the Village later on. Yet another occasion were no one batted an eyelid with plenty of people and kids about. Sianne took quite a few images and certainly even I must agree, she got a couple of really good ones and hopefully one day will post a couple on my flickr site, but for the time being Sianne needs to display them first as part of her Uni project. Hopefully, it she gets the results she wants in the few weeks when the project is handed in. It is planned for the project to be put on display in June and including Sparkle in July. 

After saying goodbye to Sianne at teatime, I headed to my work place to kill some time but also to change my skirt and redo my make up. My Manager seem happy to let me do this but as it was her first time seeing me, she seem to be impressed with initial reaction being of a “wow” factor. Also another two colleague’s met me for the first time and there reaction was just as good including your make up is good! Clearly I’m doing something right! :-)) After a quick change and a cup of tea, I departed collecting Sophia on my way and met up with Sarah from Macclesfield in Manchester City Centre - both girls only on there second outside outing with me being their guide. Of course, we headed to the Village although it was Thursday evening and visited Richmond Tea Rooms (for dessert first), then Velvet were a nice meal and excellent service was had. Later on we visited Via, Molly House and Naps, with the latter as expected being quiet! Both girls seem to enjoy themselves, both looked the part too but sadly the evening ended all too quick as the bed and home time beckoned. Certainly it is hoped we can get together again but because of circumstances, it wont be easy. For me personally, it had been a varied but interesting 12 hour day meeting many people in different environments something that I would like to happen more often. 

Well that is it for this entry although not been out for three weeks now - is there anyone there? :-)) All being well, hopefully get out next week, anyone interested? 

March 2013 - Two Special Amazing Ladies.

This long entry is all about a special weekend with two amazing ladies in our capital city! As mentioned in previous entry, Sue Richmond had previously invited me down to London for a few days but this invite was received when we met at Sparkle last year. At long last, we manage to agree on a date which was Friday, 8th to Sun 10th March and Sue kindly offered accommodation too but also had ask if my good lady M.R. would like to come too! This was a lovely offer but I must admit I was not sure if M.R. would wish to come especially been with me for at least 60 hours as her special friend and more importantly out in the everyday world too rather than the normal confines of the Village in Manchester. The only way I was going to find out was ask and give her the choice. Much to my surprise but of great pleasure, M.R. agreed to come but I had put emphasis that Sue particularly ask if she wanted to come as it would be nice to meet her too. Anyway we confirmed with Sue that both of us would be coming and now looking forward to the visit. I must admit I was a little apprehensive how M.R. would be with me over the whole weekend, as it was a big thing for her to actually be with her soulmate in public but in different clothing attire! As things transpired, not sure why I was even worried about it as M.R. took things in her stride! 

Anyway, Friday morning arrived, outfits already chosen and time for both of us to get ready with clothes / suitcase already packed previously in the car. I had decided to keep clothes simple with knee length skirt, top, and flatties as easier to drive for a long period. Midday arrived and we were on our way, letting Sue know accordingly. We headed down the M6, stopping off first at the M6 Toll road service station for a bite to eat and a drink with this being our first test together in public at this busy service station which was full of students heading home I assume. To be honest it was a non event, as everybody just thought we were just two women minding their own business which was in fact what we were doing. Being a non event was ideal and I’m sure gave M.R. that little extra assurance that things were going to be ok! We set off again traveling on the M6 / M40 stopping off at the Banbury service station for a short break, then we proceeded on to Sue’s via the road to hell or the big circular car park (M25) and M3 arriving at approx 6.30pm. Sue gave us a big warm welcome especially to M.R. and it was really nice to finally see her. We had decided in advance that we would stay in Friday evening, being a little tired and conserving our energy for the following day. While I unpacked the car, Sue and M.R. got to know each other a little better and by the time I entered the fray, it was clear to me that both of them were getting on like a house on fire - that was nice and made me relaxed straight away. Then again, it is no surprise really, as Sue is a lovely warm person and I knew she would make M.R. at ease. The rest of the night was just a girly night with Sue being the perfect host, laying on wine, excellent home cooked food and generally chilling out with catching up on news n stuff. Before we knew, it was bedtime and getting some sleep for tomorrow’s day out to West End, Covent Garden etc. 

The following morning (Sat), after all getting ready (flat boots being the order of the day) and having breakfast, we all headed to the local station to get the train to Waterloo which was a first for me, as never travelled on a train as KD before, but yet another non event. By this time, it was clear that M.R. was in relaxed mood and taking things in her stride. Having arrived at a busy Waterloo Station, we then headed for the underground to Leicester Square, yet another first for me but this time it is full in your face public interaction, with no escape - not sure why I was bothered to be honest, as it felt natural. Sue had previously arranged an loose itinerary of things to do and see on our visit to the West End but it became very clear early on, she knew everywhere and kept us entertained throughout the day. Having arrived in the West End, we all went to Caffe Vergnano in Charing Cross Road for coffee and highly recommended too. We proceeded to meet Joanne, the barmaid at the Cambridge P.H. and one of Sue’s friends too. Joanne made us welcome but became clear to me, she was quite a character to say the least but a lovely person too. I suppose the best way I can put it, she is crackers! :-)) Shortly afterwards, we made our way to “Melanie” a fine Italian Restaurant, Old Compton St for a pre-arranged lunch with another friend of Sue’s, namely Petra, a charming lovely TS from Sussex. For the next 90 mins or so, we were served excelllent food and plenty of girly chat covering a multitude of subjects, then it was time to part our ways sadly. Hopefully, I will meet Joanne and Petra again, it would be nice. 

For the rest of the afternoon, we visited numerous places including Seven Dials, Covent Garden which is always full of activity, with some very good street entertainers including some shopping too. Other places included Shorts Gardens, Neals Yard and numerous side streets with some unusual but interesting shops - it you want it, its there! In fact, without Sue, we would have no idea where we were and never come across these fascinating locations. We eventually arrived at a quaint but lovely cafe La Roche on St Martins Lane were tea and scones was the order of the day and more importantly to recharge our feet! After that we headed for the lights of Shaftesbury Ave,   Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square with its Swiss carillon. Eventually Sue lead to us a wonderful pub called Chandos near to Trafalgar Square which is highly recommend, as the atmosphere is solely created by people chatting and laughing - yes no music, fruit machines or TVs, but with nice  open fires and booths an oasis in a mad city! I just wish there were more places like this! We had by now been out nearly 10 hours and time for more food. On this occasion, we visited Wong Kei (Wonkys as otherwise known), a basic restaurant with cheap but excellent Chinese food which is located in Wandour St on the edge of Chinatown. Not sure how Sue find’s places like this especially in London of all places. By the time we finished our meal, all three of us were a little weary and time to head home to Sue’s via the Underground and train to Twickers! 

This was some day, out for over 12 hours, full on with Joe Public and not a single problem encountered by anyone, in fact we were treated (as expected) with courtesy and respect, what more could you ask for. More importantly, M.R. thoroughly enjoyed her day too and as she said later, it was being out with two lovely normal girls. What more could I ask for - mmmm “wow”. 

The following morning (Sunday), got ready, had breakfast and went for a long but very chilly walk around Sue’s local area and Marble Hill Park near to the the River Thames. It was our intention to have a pub lunch but sadly the high tide of the River Thames put paid to that as the area in question was gradually getting flooded so we played safe and went to Orleans House Gallery for a warming coffee and cake! I must admit in hindsight, I’ve should of worn a longer skirt or even trousers for the walk as I spend some of the time, holding down my skirt from the chilly wind but at least I was warm (just) and had my over the knee leather flat boots. Afterwards, we went back to Sue’s for hot soup and snack before packing the car to head home. It was time to say our good byes to Sue who had been a wonderful host but more importantly made both of us feel at home especially M.R. In a lot of ways, although Sue would be the last person to admit this, but she made our weekend and one that neither of us will ever forget for numerous reasons - all “we” can say is a BIG THANK YOU for an excellent enjoyable weekend, hopefully we can do it again sometime. 

Sue has also made an entry in her blog about this weekend, see - http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/a-tourist-in-my-own-city.html and there are also some images of the weekend on my flickr site. 

Finally, I cannot finish this story without an extra mention of my partner M.R. who also made this weekend extra special indeed and in my eyes what more could I ever ask for. In fact I never in my wildest dreams, that she would ever think about going out with me for a weekend as KD especially  full in your face weekend jaunt in London! This say’s a lot about my lady indeed and proves that with a lot of love and understanding, that miracles can happen although to get this far has not been without numerous discussions, hurt, moving the goalposts, and most of all patience! As M.R. has said on a few occasions over the last 18 months, she has finally accepted her special friend K.D. and now I firmly believe her! Wow!! 

Again, my personal thanks to two amazing but special ladies for a great weekend. xxxxx

March 2013 - Home at last!

Well much of this entry refers to things happening in February rather than current matters, but the latter I’m sure will be written in the next few days as it will be about one of the highlights of KD’s life if not “the” highlight. 

February was a quiet month which in away was nice with minimum KD time but it was of maximum quality though. For a change no clothes purchases, nor any on the horizon although some MAC make up is required as running low on some items. While talking MAC, thinking of looking for suitable make-up to go with Red / Auburn wig that I have but very rarely wear. This is down in my opinion, that it requires different make - up to my normal so will seek advice from the MAC girls and see what they suggest. As for outings, only out twice, with first occasion being another Saturday evening out in the Village and meeting up with a couple of good friends too, namely Nikki and Christine who I have not seen for a while. Usual haunts were visited including a quick meal at Taurus and literally bumping into more friends during the course of the evening, including Paula, Carol, Kate and Mrs Kate, were a little bit of catch up on news was made. Also during the evening met a couple of (real) girls on a visit from Liverpool who were just having a night out, made more spooky, that one of them lived around the corner from me although she did not realize how close though! All in all, an enjoyable evening with great company, hopefully not too long before we do it again. 

The second outing was a little special on a personal note although the origin of the outing stemmed from a chance meeting of a student girl called Sianne from Blackpool in October last year. I met Sianne in Manchester while she was photographing another TGirl as part of her University project on Transgender people and got talking to her about her project. Cutting a long story short, I agreed to let her take some images of me in an everyday environment although at the time, not knowing which location it would be! That location turned out to be the Albert Dock / Pier Head in Liverpool which is my home city, a place that I have not visited for numerous reasons.    I met up with Sianne with her boyfriend Gary at the Albert Dock on a Thursday dinnertime were initially we had coffee / chat at the local Costa. From my perspective, this was as normal it was going to be amongst all the people and other students visiting too, especially being half term week too. Anyway Sianne, during the course of the afternoon, although a little chilly, proceeded to take photographs of me in an everyday environment without drawing any attention to myself. Gary was acting as Sianne’s assistant but he seemed to be enjoying himself along with being surprised how convincing I looked (his words) and beginning to understand why we Tgirls need to be ourselves. It was not long before the afternoon was over and we said our good byes, which after that, I went back to Costa for another coffee before ultimately heading home. It was only then I realize, that not one person gave me a second glance and not even the half term students had notice either which on reflection, gave me a great confidence boost that may be I look better than I think? Well it is up to others to decide that but I must be doing something right! As yet, not seen the images but I have been told there are some good ones and will be incorporated into Sianne’s university project. Regardless, I had finally visited my home city for the first time and deemed it was a successful visit but will restrict visits in the future never the less. 

So that was February but in the meantime, I had agreed to visit Sue Richmond in London in early March which turned out to be an extra special occasion in KD’s life in more ways than I could imagine. More of this, will be in my next blog entry, hopefully in the next few days or so. 

February 2013 - Not a bad start!

First, a belated happy new year to those you read this blog and hopefully it has been a good start for you. It is now 6 weeks into the year and it has been a reasonable start with getting out on three occasions and meeting new friends too - more of this a little later.

Life is ok at the moment and M.R. continues to support and accept me, although there is still the odd minor issue to deal with which we attempt to solve it one way or another. Being New Year and January, more clothes purchases were made but I have also had a mini clear out of existing clothes but not as many as I hoped that could go - need to look again I think as I just don’t have any room for more clothes. Thinking about the rest of the forthcoming year, my thoughts are about places and meeting friends further afield which I am attempting to do something about and currently working on some thoughts. Certainly I’m hoping that M.R. will come out with me on the odd occasion, as it is nice for her to share this part of me! One thing that is on the radar, is to see  a nice girl (friend) Sue in London for a couple of days but just got to find the right time to go as family and work matters need to be resolve to open up this window of opportunity. Other events that come under the radar for this year, include Leeds First Friday, Sparkle in July and hopefully Erotica (London) in October but have a little time to plan them. 

Getting back to outings this year so far have involved meeting new girls in order to build a new friend base for the future as clearly most of the girls that I deemed to call friends have drifted away for what ever reason - some of which are not clear to me! My first outing of the year was to a new girl’s house (Tami) for an evening get together with a couple more local girls who I met for the first time, namely Paula and Sophia. Strange really this was the first time I had actually done this but an enjoyable evening was had with plenty of girly chat and laughter along with a lovely meal provided by Tami - not a bad cook either! Hopefully during the year we will meet again, and may be an outing can be planned too. Second outing was with another new friend, this being Carol from Preston who I struck up a conversation in a chat room and within a couple of days met in Manchester and enjoyable evening was had again with friendship seeds sown for the future too. Last Saturday, I finally manage to meet Nikki again as it had been about 6 months since we last met, in that time, also manage to struck up a friendship with her lovely partner too (M), which hopefully I will meet one day. Met Nikki in the Village, and a good night was had with the added bonus meeting a few familiar faces including by chance Christine, Paula, Jane, Carol, Kate and her partner Shirley - certainly added variety to the evening along with playing catch up with Nikki. Can’t wait to get out again but may be next week at the earliest at this week is booked up with work and personal matters. 

Things at work are now routine and given my thoughts 12 months ago, i was not expecting to be there still but I am. However, in that time, all the girls / women I work with get on with me and vice versa, but that is down for being “myself” without the baggage so to speak. Everyone there has notice the difference in me and I must admit I’m happy too although I just wish I could get a little more free time than I do now! Keep working on the latter though. 

Finally, a friend I’ve known for at least 7 years, Julia has now fulfilled her long held wish and has now become the woman she always wanted to be. Julia had been full time for the last couple of years and we have kept in regular contact but finally made the appointment and arrangements to see Dr Chettawut in Bangkok last month. She is now back at home, recovering but in the good company of her boyfriend George who has supported her too. Hopefully, she will remain in contact with me and will see her again too but one never knows what will happen but from personal past experience, I have always lost contact with friends who gone down that route because they have sought (with some understanding) of a new life and breakaway from the old world so to speak. I live in hope, this wont be the case with Julia, so fingers cross. Regardless, I am pleased for her. 

Well that is enough for now and time for bed. See you again my little blog!